#i went back and forth on whether to post this here or on my art blog

[acidic-potato-piss-water]

Nothing to see here, just two cringefail loser men that deserve eachother <3

@divorcingjimmatthews infected me with The Worms (the mental image of Jim having a drunk breakdown after the end of s2 and Jade reluctantly helping)

(line art only, just for funsies)

[kuttingkarma]

kinda went back and forth on whether to post this here or my little side blog where I throw my more sketchy? Ish art? But fuck it this can go here! @popatochisssp’s Tank! Fruity boy in a Wild West alternate universe, on his own little home stead sighhhh….as Poppy herself said, we’re about to make crop circles in that damned wheat

[insane-control-room]

Some things are meant to be remembered; for the right reasons.

i've posted this review on steam, but i think that i want to say it here, too.

Here is my review of the 'promotional' material (according to steam) Secrets of the Machine

What I liked: the art appeared to be a true return to form; the style had its original charm with updated lighting techniques and slightly better optimization than previous games in the Bendy series. The audio design was also nice, with good ambiance and nice composition.

And now, the jank.

The game handles reasonably well; but it is clearly slapdashed together and is missing important components. There is no starting menu. There are no loading screens; and it is very jarring. There are no options in the game menu - you cannot minimize the game, you cannot brighten the game, you cannot make the game run any better on your computer, and it is incredibly laggy. If you have a potato laptop? Nah, get out. No game for you. There are no subtitles that you can enable, and voices are very muffled. Additionally, the game is very dark, and as mentioned, you cannot adjust that in the settings of the game, nor in steam settings. You have to do so from your computer.

Controls are extremely janky, as you cannot run, you cannot jump, and there is no indication for interaction with any objects. There are no control settings for remapping, and you cannot even see which keys do what.

Puzzles are boring and confusing; with no guidance. There were no hints, no rhyme or reason. There was more puzzle in the BATIM chapter 1 demo release. This thing is very confusing, especially when you cannot see anything at all. You will spend a long time walking back and forth between two rooms, wondering how you can progress, because you've done everything you could: you smashed cutouts; you hit targets; you opened and closed hands; you found posters for future games, but nothing that could move forward the one you were playing at the time. If you look at the community page, you will see that most people simply spent their time clicking on the soup can dispenser to see how many cans they could get.

If you have epilepsy, nah get out. Oh? I didn't mention the flashing lights? Well the developers did not either. Not only did they not mention the flashing lights, not in the game nor in steam, but they included TWO car crashes without warning - one audio based, and another that was directed at players. This is not only rude, but it is dangerous. Warnings exist so that people can make educated choices whether or not to interact with content that may be sensitive to them. Warn people appropriately. This 'game' did not take any measure to protect its players. There are many instances of sudden loud noises, flashing lights, and jarring location switches (not to mention the car crashes).

The story was lacking, and has nothing to do with the puzzles that a player is faced with. It feels like three disjointed tracks, and none of them align, all of them crashing together in a discordant, unsatisfying, confusing mess. It brought in more new characters that had nothing to do with the original story nor interested players, and had content that went against previously established material. It was (as you can tell, from a writer's perspective) a bad story.

It was less of a demo, less of a playable trailer, more like a tech demo with a few morsels for fans to pick apart and wish there was more of, wish there was more effort put into, wish there was more love and care for them, the players who arguably were the foundation of this game. There were teasers for games that, honestly, lacked the soul that the very first game had, and here's a point to prove it: there was an easter egg that if you clicked something 414 times (very funny.) it would rise in the air and then fall down without further ado. In the game files, the name for that sound effect? Sting. Yeah. It did. Games are a collaborative work; between the creators and the players. Blatant disregard and flippancy towards half of the collaboration is not acceptable behavior. This is a development team that mocks those who once loved them most, those who poured over their coding and carefully crafted world to marvel at what they had made, and coaxed in others with the rich promise of a delightful story that anyone could engage with on any level. The spite the creators have shown for the individuals who, essentially, had given rise to their stature in the first place, is painful.

Finally, by the time that I got a chance to sit down and actually play the game- I personally could not. The developers, by constantly updating a clearly unfinished game, had made their final update - that of a wood board blocking the actual place where gameplay takes place. You cannot go to any of the places shown in the screenshots, because the game is locked on the opening area. I've seen many people complaining of it; hoping that they can play the game.

Now, in the fashion we've seen common of JDS, they have rescinded their terrible design choice - but without notifying players that it is now possible to play the game; without telling players that this was purposeful; without telling players anything aside from a big old screw you. It is entirely possible that the only reason they put the game back into a playable state was the torrent of negative reviews that spawned after their. interesting. choice. regardless, those who care about their playerbase would have informed those who complained that it was a temporary gesture for storytelling reasons. They, however, did not, and there are a multitude of reviews marking the game as unplayable.

No matter what, the bottom line is this: This is not okay.

I'm not sure how much more eloquently I can put the fact that I'm heartbroken. This game, unlike any other, shows how much scorn that a developer can have for their own fans and playerbase. I am glad that there are people who enjoyed it, but I wonder - what did you really like about it?

Is it the memories?

[sillyfairygarden]

fairy once more 🌹 my c!hannah design is complete, full design process is under the cut :)

wrow it has been like 1.5 yr since my first c!hannie drawing 😭 ourgh i love her sosososo much. i really went back n forth on whether or not to actually complete this design, due to my... complicated and strenuous relationship with the dsmp... but after talking it out and going through these pieces i wanted to do it justice one last time :)

without further ado here is a (near-complete) history of my c!hannahxxrose design. i have included text descriptions since my handwriting is notoriously doctoral (bad):

DESIGN EVOLUTION:

In the beginning the design was very simple, and leaned heavily into the popular fanon. [pointing at image of c!hannah with leafy, thick foliage leaves from fall 2021: this was drawn before the event where c!hannah got her wings, aka i'm psychic teehee]

(i didn't really know much about her character, so these aren't tied to the canon and got scrapped!)

[pointing to a design of c!hannah with fairy wings from early 2022: this simple dress was a staple in my early design...]

Post-Elytramaggedeon:

her wings! i think when she lost them, it really drew me into pinning down a design for her. i toyed with the imagery of torn, tattered wings, but then turned to a more melted look. i love the multicolour spread of her wings, through over time her wing shape changes from a butterfly wing to a more dragonfly/fairy-style.

i toyed with the idea of her wings being torn off completely, but at the end it was more true to the imagery to have these massive, multicoloured wings, useless and tattered.

[text beneath a c!tinarose piece from march 2022: first time drawing c!tinarose B) very uninspired outfits. also, why does c!tina have little wings??? The line "he ripped your rings, my little fairy :(" lives in my head rent-free. I wasn't happy with how this came out.]

[text beneath a c!tinarose piece from july 2022: genuinely one of the best pieces i've ever done. c!tinarose nation 4 lyfe ✌️ Really nailed the melty, shredded wing design here!

Design Exploration:

While working on those [above] pieces in 2022, i started exploring different ideas for my c!hannah design.

[text pointing to a sketch from september 2022, where c!hannah has a large, tree-like arm: in this, c!hannah is a flower nymph whose body is apart of nature--the tree arm is borne! i LOVE asymmetrical designs. In my notes, i wrote: 'she draws her energy from nature to heal after losing her wings- in return, nature returns to claim her body... as time goes on, the bark grows.]

Concept: pre-DSMP design:

[text pointing to a sketch of c!hannah kneeling, hair wild with flowers and covered in climbing vines: a rosebush who becomes a girl-in her early days, she is more plant-like than human girl! i loved this hair. so fun.]

Introduction of Armour:

[text beneath multiple drawings of c!hannah from summer 2022, where she is wearing armour: in these sketches, i was feeling the urge to draw some armoured ladies-and so c!hannah became my victim!

i'm always craving sleek, feminine silhouettes in my armoured designs, without turning into battle corsets and bikinis.

at the same time as this, i was in the brainstorming/conceptual stages for other dsmp characters, and i wanted c!hannah to be unique from the generic, full-netherite design.]

Final Design:

A year and a half after my first art of her, and i collected the varying design elements from past pieces into one final concept!

Knightly yet feminine, strong but still wearing (literally) the scars of pain. I wasn't confident in ever finishing this, but then i heard that she gets her wings back after the 2023 """finale""" of the smp... it was time to bring closure to this character design that i have poured a whole part of myself into. This was the final sketch.

[text near a sketch of c!hannah's final design: flower spirit, mix armoured with flowers (utena core).]

for the final piece itself, i wanted to reference the colours of hannah's minecraft skin, while still adding that fantasy-knight element. the wings are trimmed, but still retained that beautiful, multicolour melty look. her tree arm is finally blossoming and blooming with pops of colour, to signify regrowth after the trauma of losing a piece of herself. her insignia is not for any nation, but for herself.

References:

The works of these illustrators greatly guided this design. Additionally, my peers and other artists who have drawn/interpreted c!hannah before <3 feminine, strong designs are so beautiful!

[not pictured are the works of JC Leyendecker, Jasmin Darnell, CLAMP, Thores Shibamoto, and my dear friend zma. their works orbit my head like a ceiling fan whenever i put the pen to paper <3)

a few things didn't end up making the cut (the cape from the final sketch, her other forms and ideas for pre-SMP, etc) but at this point, i am really excited to just stop looking at this piece LOL. it has been staring at me for forever. im very pleased with it and touched something special at seeing my own abilities, ambition, and concept designs grow within my own work. even if no one reads all 213445345 words of this, it's a wonderful capsule of the work i put into this design and im quite pleased.

aneeeways if any1 read this far i hope u like it 🙇 ok im going eepy now gnight ^^

[chloeangelic]

Why does it seem like everything you've put out lately is just trying to rip off netherfeildren? Like the art, the plots, the aesthetics... Especially weird since you used to seem to always hype them up

I went back and forth on responding to this but I’ve decided to because I don’t appreciate having my integrity questioned. I kind of expected that I'd get something like this because there are some thematic similarities between Seeking and SWITBOSH. However, I won’t respond publicly to anything else like this cause I think we’re all very over The Discourse, and tbh it’s a massive fucking insult to accuse me of ripping someone off when I’ve spent seven months writing ca 200k words of fic and developing my own unique style of writing. If you can’t see the difference between two writers, just because they write emotional depth and full sentences, then please read an actual book and not just brainrot fic. I’m gonna properly address everything under the cut - anon domming is back on the menu today. 

That being said, because this feels weird and uncomfortable for me and likely for Vic, I’m turning off anons for the time being and I’m taking a posting break to decide whether I want to continue posting here at all or continue posting purely on AO3. I post there anyways under the same name. If you still have a bone to pick with me or my writing, please message me directly. Please do NOT pester Vic about this, I know very well that she does not enjoy The Discourse or any sort of drama. Everyone is sick of the copying discourse - please have some trust in writers’ self awareness. 

Firstly, the words “recently” and “plots” should be defined here - I personally don’t see how stepdaddy Joel, pornstar Tim, sex addict Dieter, baby daddy Javi or any of Love Me back is similar to her works at all. The Seeking teaser I posted yesterday was similar to her Pink teasers purely because it had text on a photo - my text wasn’t even from the fic, it was a quote that represented the series as a whole and the quote that finally made the series crystallize in my head. It’s the quote I want people to have in the back of their mind when they go into reading it - it’s from the song that I consider the series theme. Our formatting is not the same. Yes, I have quotes at the beginning of the chapters - my friend sent me a bunch of poems and a couple, I felt were relevant to the story so I wanted to add them somehow. Several writers do this. I stopped putting in previews above the cut cause it was making it difficult for me to write the beginning of the chapters. My masterlist art is the same as, like.. Everyone’s else’s masterlist post - the norm on here is to have an artwork from Pinterest, the title slapped on top and the writer’s name. I literally just loved Pascalisbaby’s masterlist art so much I decided to do it too. 

When you say plots, I’m assuming you’re drawing parallels between Seeking what is desirable and Someone’s Wife in the Boat of Someone’s Husband because cheater!Joel (or maybe even Pink cause DDLG, but I’m literally in a DDLG-type dynamic irl and I decided to incorporate it into a fic for once - there were CLEAR ddlg undertones in Love Me Back, it just wasn’t explicit. I also wrote several chapters of Seeking before Pink even came out, and I wrote a cheating + father in law oneshot this summer). 

The MC in Seeking is based on myself and my own life, moving away from my parents in order to live with my boyfriend at the time very far away, who ended up being extremely absent and shitty. MC+Jeremiah relationship is based on Adam and Hermine from EXIT, Jeremiah is based on Tony Soprano, Gwen is based on Janice Soprano + a story I heard from my cousin about how his wife let him do all the childcare while she went on a women’s retreat. They are not in a marriage of convenience, the MC doesn’t feel bad about the affair at all, she never pushes him away, and Gwen has no plans on leaving. Sarah and Ellie are both 16 and living with Joel in Seeking. The MC does not have similarities to Sarah like she does in Love Me Back (which was also literally based on my own life) or Someone’s.

MC is a teacher who cheats with Joel - so is the MC in my post outbreak series I wrote many months ago. They're drawn to each other immediately cause I hate slow burn fics and I didn't feel like writing two chapters of him fucking someone else this time around. She goes out intending to cheat, and he thinks it'll sustain him for the next several years. The first thing I thought up in this entire series was Jeremiah - I had his character crystallized in my head for weeks before I planned anything else.

Of course Joel is unhappy in his marriage - neither Vic or myself would write a Joel who cheats for fun, that’s just not something either of us finds interesting. It actually started as a Sopranos AU, but I decided against going that route cause I don’t know enough about white collar crime. Also, if you are familiar with my writing you’ll know I love writing infidelity - it shouldn’t be a surprise that I’m writing a series with this as the central theme. The central question for Seeking is when is it okay to cheat? That’s what the entire fic is about. It’s not about him finding the love of his life after marrying someone else (like the summary of Someone’s), it’s about two instances of cheating and how we justify those two scenarios. Of course it has a happy ending - I’ve used up my non-happy ending quota for the year. 

I’m not sure what you mean by aesthetics - Vic actually edits really nice graphics for all of her Mando chapters. She spends a bunch of time on those, and you’re doing a disservice to her by overlooking how unique her artwork is and how much effort it takes. She also made really cool teasers for Pink. I’m way too lazy for any of that, I just slam a moodboard together. I started doing 3 slot moodboards cause the 6-7 slot ones were a hassle. The fact that only art pieces are used in this series is half coincidence, half me being sick of trying to fit Pedro pics into the moodboards when the colors are often wrong. 

I literally texted with her when I planned this series, saying I was afraid people would accuse it of being a ripoff of Someone’s, purely due to the Joel infidelity + uninterested wife factor, and she did not think the overall plot was similar enough to be of concern. I still hype her up, she just doesn’t post as often now so I don’t reblog as often, that’s pretty simple. I’ve also asked Iris, my editor, SEVERAL TIMES if it reads too similar to Someone’s or anything Vic has written - she is extremely familiar with both of our works and she did not think so. What exactly am I supposed to do when I’ve gotten the green light from everyone? 

This specific anon didn’t mention the actual writing, though, which is funny and it makes sense because I don’t write like Vic and I don’t try to. Her vocabulary is way larger than mine, the diction and syntax are not similar at all. She actually uses metaphors, I use them very rarely and only when it’s super dramatic. My writing isn’t poetic, it’s not flowery, it’s not formal - it’s literally just how I think inside my own head. When I read my own writing, I imagine Charles Gross doing a dramatic reading. I learn like one new word every month and eventually I’ll add it to my writing when it’s something I’m confident using irl. She has a lot of depth to her fics, I also try to write with emotional depth - I’m sorry if that’s unfamiliar in a landscape of dbf porn with no plot and 5 word sentences (I’m shading my own first series here). Seeking reads more similar to the first series I ever wrote, which I never posted, than anything else I’ve written. Half of Seeking is also straight up daydreaming sequences cause that’s literally how I think - the MC lives a boring life and daydreams, so do I. 

I’ve learned a ton from reading Vic’s stuff - I don’t read that much irl cause I rarely find English novels captivating, but her writing has really made an impression on me. I talk constantly about how much her writing makes me cry, and it really does. Reading her stuff has absolutely influenced me to be more confident about weaving in actions and little plot points that are more vulnerable and personal to myself, and that adds a lot of depth it otherwise wouldn’t. I’m very inspired by her, of course I am - but I know the difference between being inspired and trying to leech. 

I’m sorry my writing style has developed. I’m sorry I no longer write like I did in April, with matter-of-factly short sentences and little emotional depth. I have short series and long series because some plots deserve more emotional depth and some don’t need it. I wouldn’t bother writing anymore if all I did was shady lawyer Joel or Father Joel and I never improved. 

If you don’t enjoy my writing, please just unfollow. I’ve seen other fics on this platform that read similar to mine, some that have exactly the same plot points/origin stories, and at no point have I thought they were ripping me off. At some point, this specific fandom needs to realize that it’s possible for two writers to have similar ideas without it being one person copying the other. My personal opinion is that if you copy someone’s plot, you won’t be able to execute it well because you don’t have the ideas necessary to actually flesh it out. If you’re familiar with my writing, you know damn well I’m capable of coming up with my own ideas and plots. I feel zero need to rip other people's in order to gain traction - I have enough followers and idgaf how many notes anything gets. Please don’t overestimate my ability to give a fuck about my popularity in this fandom. 

Anyways, thanks for making me want to vomit, anon, you truly made me feel like shit today and I hope you have a great night! I’m not sure how much I’ll be checking tumblr for a while so feel free to message me on discord under the same name.

[llvmos]

Hiiii I have a request- so basically dalton and reader are dating and he's like needy for reader but in the fluff kinda way he gets that aggressive love (like when you see a cat and you just wanna smother it in love) towards reader and after not seeing reader for a while he like attacks her in hugs and kisses and just A LOT OF FLUFF♡♡♡♡♡

OMG yes im obsessed with the thought of Dalton being like that. I feel like he would just constantly have his hands on the reader or would be kissing them when their trying to do something. Warnings: LOTS of fluff, gn!reader, established relationship, making out, probably ooc dalton, no plot, clingy!dalton a/n: this is the first fanfic ive ever wrote and honestly, im not too mad at it for it only being my first time ever even trying to write fanfiction. i went back and forth deciding whether or not i wanted to use 2nd person pov or 3rd person pov. so let me know which one you guys prefer (theres a poll at the bottom of this post) anyways i hope yall enjoy it!

Word count: 875

not proofread!!

I missed you. — Dalton Lambert

With fall break ending, all students at JPU are crowding the dorm halls trying to return to their rooms. You had went back home to New York to visit your family while your boyfriend, Dalton, had stayed behind in his dorm working on his upcoming art project.

As you watch the numbers next to the doors go up, you spot the one you were looking for.

223.

You pull out your key that Dalton had given you and put it into the keyhole. You turn the key and open the door.

As you walk into the room, you see Dalton sitting in his chair, painting, looking like hes thinking about adding something or changing something.

He snapped his head in your direction and looked at you as he smiled.

You brace yourself as you see Dalton coming towards you. You drop your bag of things you had brought with you.

Dalton hugs you as if his life depended it and rests his head in the crook of your neck, leaving little pecks where your neck meets your jawline. He lifts his head up and grabs the sides of your face as he brings his lips to yours with much force.

“I”

Kiss.

“Missed you”

Kiss.

“So much.”

Kiss.

You run your hands through his soft, sand-colored, waves and pull away from the kiss, ignoring his frown.

“You couldn’t of missed me THAT much, it’s only been a week.”

Dalton looked at you as if he was offended.

“Are you seriously doubting my love for you?”

“No, no, i didn’t say tha-”

Your words were cut off by his lips smashing into yours while you both smile.

“Okay, okay, love. Let me go to my dorm and unpack my stuff.” You say, after pulling away.

“What? You just got here, you’re already leaving again?”

“Stop being dramatic. My room is just a floor up.”

Dalton frowns as he gives you his best puppy dog eyes.

“Pleeeeease. Just stay a little longer? We can put your stuff away later, i missed you.”

Although you try your best, you can’t help but give into his pleads.

“Fine, but I do want to put my stuff away soon.”

His only response was multiple, repetitive kisses.

As the kiss deepens, his hands went down to grab your waist.

“I love you.” He mumbles as your lips continue moving in unison. He wraps his index fingers around the belt loops on the top of your jeans, pulling you towards his bed.

As he backs up towards his bed, the backs of his knees meet with his mattress, causing him to sit down, bringing you with him.

As you position yourself to straddle his legs, he pulls away from the kiss.

“What?” You asked, with pure confusion in your voice.

“You’re so beautiful.”

You smile and shake your head as a pink tint spreads across your face.

“So cheesy.”

His only response to your comment being him grabbing both side of your face and kissing you once more. He pulls you closer if even possible and moves his lips away from yours.

“I missed you.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell.” You responds with a heavy tone of sarcasm before placing your lips back onto his. You guys once again, get caught up in the moment and lose track of time.

“I really…need to…unpack.” You mumble in between kisses.

“Fine. Can I come with?”

“Only of you help.”

Dalton groans, telling you that he would rather stay here and continue where you guys left off.

“Either way, I gotta go unpack.”

You stand up to go walk over to your stuff when you caught a glimpse of the painting he was working on when you arrived. You walk up to it and look at it.

The painting appears to be a park bench underneath a tree, similar to the one you and Dalton were sat on when you shared your first kiss together.

“Is this what you’ve been working on all week?”

Dalton looks up and sees you looking at his painting.

“Oh. Yeah. It’s uh… Armagan told us to find our favorite memory and ‘capture it’. Her words, not mine.”

He sounded nervous and somewhat self conscious when he realized you saw his painting.

“It’s really good. Is this the park bench?”

“Yeah.” He looked away as he answered to try and avoid whatever judgement he thought you would give him.

You smile as you thinks back to that moment.

“It’s amazing.”

He looks back up to you and smiles.

“Really? I mean landscapes aren’t really my forte but i think i did pretty good. Actually, I went to the park and sat on the bench while i made the rough sketch. I wanted to get all of the details right. The tree looks a little rough though. But, I already painted it so…”

You smile and look at him.

“I missed you. A week is too long to go without hearing your rambling.” You walk up to him and kiss him before quickly pulling away.

“Upstairs. Unpack. Let’s go.”

“Ugh…fine…” Dalton groans and walks out the door but not before quickly giving you a kiss on the cheek.

“I will drag you by your ear if you don’t start walking.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

[blackat-t7t]

I went back and forth a lot on whether to put this in a reblog of that poll about likes and reblogs that's going around. Ultimately I decided not to, because really it's about something that post isn't actually saying, just that other people in the larger conversion about likes and reblogs have said.

I don't really see this IN posts of art and fic, but when posts made solely to encourage people to reblog come around, they often include someone in the chain saying something along the lines of:

"Likes are WORTHLESS!" or "Likes MEAN NOTHING!"

And I think, a real person saw your work and liked it. They told you they liked it, even if they told you through a button built into the site. Is that really worthless?

And I guess seeing that opinion just makes me feel kind of small and pathetic and sad, both as a creator and a viewer.

Please don't misunderstand! I'm not trying to say "creators should be grateful for whatever scraps viewers give them"! And, as a creator, I'm not trying to act "more grateful than thou", or flaunt my own humility in appreciating scraps!

I'm saying "are likes really just scraps?"

I consider myself a creator, but the truth is I don't make many of my own posts, or post a lot of fic, comparatively. I don't get a lot of engagement, not just because of the current state of fandom, but because I just don't have much TO engage with. So when I get a notification "[someone] liked your post", and I see that the truly liked MY post, not just something I reblogged, I get a little thrill.

Hearing that the thing I get so excited over, is something other creators disregard entirely, makes me feel kind of pathetic.

And as a viewer, hearing "likes are worthless, only reblogs matter"-- well, creators (myself included!) often say that we want to connect with people through our works. Hearing that my liking something, my saying I enjoyed it, is worthless and all that matters is whether I help spread it by reblogging- it makes me feel like creators, many of whom I admire, aren't interested in connecting with me.

IDK, maybe I'm just making this about me when it shouldn't be, especially in that last part. If people really believe that someone enjoying their work is worthless if they don't enjoy it enough to reblog- I guess that's their right. It's not my place to tell them how to feel about their work and how it's received.

I don't know. Like I said, the whole thing just makes me feel small. And pathetic. And sad.

Who knows. Maybe I'm misinterpreting everything and people are saying "WITHIN THE STRICT CONTEXT OF HOW TO GET MORE VIEWS, likes mean nothing, because there is no algorithm", and I'm getting worked up over nothing.

I'm just not sure anymore. I feel wrung out, and I just want to post this and be done with it.

Please don't take the things I've said here in bad faith.

[ealvara7]

Beetlejuice Coloring Process! 🪲

Since my new artwork is gonna take me some time to complete, I decided that now would be a good time to talk about my coloring process for Beetlejuice's design! Specifically, I want to talk about picking out the palette for his eyes and outfit. It was a confusing process that's nice to look back and reflect upon.

Beetlejuice took me the longest to design... I almost gave up on completing him, but I'm glad I persevered! I really love how he came out in the end!

Since this will be a long post with several images, I will add a "read-more" link in case people wanna keep scrolling.

Otherwise, here's my coloring process!

-

After I finished laying out the colors for his skin tone and hair, I started thinking about how exactly I wanted his eyes to look like. I really like designing eyes in general because I feel it adds a lot more character to a design!

My initial idea was to give Beetlejuice slightly dark scleras with yellow pupils in order to create this eerie, uncanny effect.

The problem with that idea was that it ended up feeling... too eerie.

I felt as if it was leaning a lot more on him being a demon, with not enough leeway to show a more human side of him. As a result, it made it difficult to connect with him as a character... which was not what I wanted.

My next idea was to merge the color palettes from my two artist references - creaturologie and shnikkles.

While I felt like I was moving in a better direction, this made it very clear to me that I needed to find a palette that better suited my art style, because I felt the red here was just... too much? It ended up overpowering the green which was definitely not what I wanted.

Finally, I decided to stick to the original stage production and make his scleras white. This also made it easier for me to balance his eyes with his skin tone.

As for his pupils... I started thinking about amber stones, and how they illuminate in a way that is very subtle and beautiful...

That's when I realized that Beetlejuice's pupils didn't need to be consistently illuminated in order to have that subtle, eerie effect. They just need to create the illusion that they can illuminate wherever he went or however you looked at him.

With this in mind, I created the final version!

I couldn't be any happier with how it came out! I felt as if I finally hit that perfect balance between his human and demon characteristics! You're able to connect with him better, all while he retains the more frightening elements of his character.

That being said... his eyes can very much glow in the dark, if he so chooses.

-

I'd like to quickly touch on the outfit, because I had been going back and forth as to whether I wanted to add some semblance of color to his design or not...

I did try coloring his button-up with a magenta similar to the cartoon version... but I wasn't a huge fan of it. I realized I wanted more of a consistency to Beetlejuice's design.

This brought me to another challenge - how much value did I want to add in each part of Beetlejuice's outfit? I knew right away that I did not want to use pure black and white, but I still wanted to create a distinction of some kind for each outfit piece.

For this, I heavily referenced the musical - I've always loved how Beetlejuice's outfit wasn't a bright white. Rather, it was weathered out to be gray. It gave him a more gothic feel, which I fell in love with. I took it up a notch and gave him just a slight tinge of blue, as an homage to Corpse Bride - one of my favorite Tim Burton movies! I would eventually use a similar palette for Lydia in order for her and Beetlejuice to match.

With that, I completed the look of my Beetlejuice design! ✨

[loreholdlesbian]

Wilds of Eldraine Draft Booster Challenge

Every set I like to make a draft booster pack featuring the themes of the set. (This particular booster has been done for like a month and I just never got around to posting it lol.) The goal of this project is to make cards that you would be unsurprised to open alongside the rest of the set, while innovating on its mechanics. This is a hard balance to strike, especially at common which takes up the majority of the booster. It's based on one of the challenges from GDS3 that i can no longer link because of wotc's shitty ass update to their website that broke access to like half their articles.

Now that the intro and griping are out of the way, let's get into it!

Art links:

Gadwick

Bitter Winds of Winter

Gold-Spinner Faerie

Syr Ginger's Vow (Screenshot from trailer)

Magic Pumpkin

Sword of Noble Destiny

Never Woke Up // Lay Down

Hungering Lich-Knight

Evil Relative

Induce Vengeance

Reign of Vermin

Basket of Baked Goods

Feasting Hedonists

Hunting Prowess

Rare

Gadwick, Wizard of the Wilds 2U Legendary Creature- Human Wizard > Lost Research 1U > Instant- Adventure > Draw a card. (Then exile this spell. You may cast the other half later from exile.) Prowess You may cast creature cards as though they had Lost Research as an Adventure. 2/2

I always like to do something novel in these boosters since, riffing off the GDS3, they’re supposed to be something I’d show to wizards of the coast to impress. Sometimes it’s quite hard to do anything too new at common and uncommon, which means I want to go hogwild at rare. This definitely has the novelty factor. I have no idea if it can be made to work within the rules or if this wording is correct, but I wanted it in here all the same.

Uncommons

Bitter Winds of Winter U Snow Enchantment If you would put one or more stun counters on a permanent an opponent controls, instead put that many plus one stun counters on it. 5U: Tap target creature and put a stun counter on it. (If a creature with a stun counter on it would become untapped, remove a stun counter from it instead.)

I’m a big proponent of the idea that the snow-queen themed cards should have had the snow subtype. I might make a post defending that at some point, but for now just go with it. I went back and forth on whether to make my own card for this theme snow, since it would match less with what the set did, but ultimately I went with this because I decided if I ever do anything with my cards like a custom cube, I’m gonna prefer it to be snow. And I make the rules here. This set has an unusually high number of stun counters and while it isn’t directly tap-matters like most of the cards in this archetype (though it does enable it, if not all that well), it just feels like a cool card to exist and this feels like a good place to do it.

Gold-Spinner Faerie 3B Creature- Faerie Bargain, bargain, bargain (You may sacrifice up to three artifacts, enchantments, and/or tokens as you cast this spell.) Flying When Gold-Spinner Faerie enters the battlefield, create a Treasure token for each time it was bargained. When Gold-Spinner Faerie enters the battlefield, create a Treasure token for each time it was bargained. 3/3

You’ve heard of multikicker, now get ready for multibargain! This feels like design space for the mechanic that wasn’t really explored, so it felt good to touch on in this booster.

Syr Ginger’s Vow 2B Enchantment- Saga (As this Saga enters and after your draw step, add a lore counter. Sacrifice after III.) I | Create two Food tokens II | Sacrifice a Food. If you do, draw a card. III | Destroy up to one target creature or planeswalker. 

For a while I had a Saga in the rare slot, but I decided to swap it out for something with a bit more novelty, so I ended up subbing in this card which I think I like better anyway. I love the Syr Ginger stuff, it’s just so silly, and I like doing Sagas that show a plane’s history. I think this captures the steps of her story very well which is nice for anyone who didn’t see the trailer.

Commons

Magic Pumpkin W Artifact- Food Vehicle Celebration — As long as two or more nonland permanents entered the battlefield under your control this turn, Magic Pumpkin is an artifact creature. 2, T, Sacrifice Magic Pumpkin: You gain 3 life. 3/2

I love weird type combinations, and I wanted to make a Food Vehicle or Food Equipment, and that felt like something that needed to be a top down design- luckily, cinderella provided the perfect opportunity. I wanted it in the cinderella story colors therefor, which means it needed to be white. White isn’t *much* of a food color in this particular set but I feel like that’s fine.

Sword of Noble Destiny 2W Artifact- Equipment When Sword of Noble Destiny enters the battlefield, attach it to target creature you control. You may create a Royal Role token and attach it to that creature. (If you control another Role on it, put that one into the graveyard. Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 and has ward 1.) Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has ward 1. Equip 1

I know this set is mainly focusing on fairy tales and not camelot, I’m really shocked we didn’t get a sword in the stone reference using royal role tokens. It seems like such a hard thing to resist. So I didn’t. I pared it down to its simplest form to get it to work at common; I’m quite happy with the sword bestowing the same bonus as a royal role token, and that you can stack them on the same creature and be happy with that since the bonuses stack. Works out neatly.

Never Woke Up 1U Enchantment- Aura > Lay Down U > Instant- Adventure > Tap target creature. Enchant creature Enchanted creature doesn’t untap during its controller’s untap step.

This set debuted adventures on enchantments but only on a single rare cycle. I wanted to expand on that with a cycle of Auras, and here’s the representative of that cycle.

Hungering Lich-Knight 2B Creature- Zombie Knight Bargain (You may sacrifice an artifact, enchantment, or token as you cast this spell.) Hungering Lich-Knight has lifelink and haste as long as you’ve sacrificed a permanent this turn. 3/1 The Wilds are haunted by the Courts’ past misdeeds.

Here’s a twist I always like to play with alternate cost mechanics; one where the bonus doesn’t specifically require the alternate cost, but if you pay the cost it’s guaranteed. I did something similar with exploit back in VOW. I think it’s just a very fun way to do something a little different with a mechanic.

Evil Relative 1R Creature- Human When Evil Relative enters the battlefield, for each creature you control named Evil Relative, create a Wicked Role token and attach that token to that creature. (If you control another Role on it, put that one into the graveyard. Enchanted creature gets +1/+1. When this Aura is put into a graveyard, each opponent loses 1 life.)    1/1

I wanted a card that really plays with the “You can only have one role on a creature” and Wicked felt like the best way to do that since it has a payoff for that. Since there was no wicked role card connected to the wicked step family, I decided to connect it to that which helped pull the design together in a “have multiple of this card” direction.

Induce Vengeance 2R Instant Target creature you control deals damage equal to its power to any target. Create a Cursed Role token and attach it to that creature. (If you control another Role on it, put that one into the graveyard. Enchanted creature is 1/1.) The coven would not let their sister’s murder go unavenged.

I wanted to try using a cursed role as a sacrifice-lite effect and decided fling was a nice and simple execution of that. I think it’s fun cause with bargain and with other roles, since it’s easier to get your creature back at full power. It was very far from the usual fling flavor though, so I decided to go with someone kills a witch and is then cursed by her sisters in return. 

Reign of Vermin 1R Enchantment When Reign of Vermin enters the battlefield, create two 1/1 black Rat creature tokens with “This creature can’t block.” 4R, Sacrifice Reign of Vermin: Attacking Rats you control get +2/+0 until end of turn.

You know I couldn’t resist putting a rat typal card in here. Typal cards at common tend to be be more of the threshold-one variety (that is, only asking that you control one creature of that type, or one other creature) because limited plays better if commons are less demanding on your deck, so they’re more usable in multiple archetypes. But I think this card works fine on its own even if it’s of course better with more Rats to go around so I don’t think that’s too much of a problem. I also like how this design came out as very good bargain fodder, which helps it tie into the set more. 

Basket of Baked Goods G Artifact- Food Whenever Basket of Baked Goods enters the battlefield or is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, put a +1/+1 counter on up to one target creature. 2, T, Sacrifice Basket of Baked Goods: You gain 3 life. The werefox couldn’t help but comment on the smell of such a delicious morsel.

Here’s another nontoken food and another fun piece of bargain fodder. I know it’s redundant with some of the cards I have already but I’m really happy with the design and I definitely wanted it in here.

Feasting Hedonists 1G Creature- Elf Ward 2 Whenever an Aura becomes attached to Feasting Hedonists, create a Food token. (It’s an artifact with 2, T, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.”) 2/2 A night of song and dance in the woods, a decade of time lost.

And here’s the obligatory enchantment payoff of the set, simplified for common. It has a simple payoff (though one that ties well into set themes and helps you pay bargain costs you probably want in your enchantment deck without having to sacrifice those enchantments you want), and I made it only proc off of aura that become attached to itself so follow the rule of thumb that commons shouldn’t do much when you’re not already looking at them. The ward is so you don’t get punished too hard for putting auras on this thing.

Bonus Sheet Slot

Hunting Prowess 3G Enchantment- Aura [rare] Storm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each spell cast before it this turn. You may choose new targets for the copies. Copies become tokens.) Enchant creature Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 and has “Whenever this creature deals combat damage to a player, draw a card.”

Bonus sheet slots are always weird since they’re explicitly reprints and the point of this project is to make new cards but the solution I’ve settled on is to make a card that wouldn’t feel out of place on the bonus sheet (ties into the overall theme, doesn’t demand things of limited that aren’t present, works flavorfully) but also wouldn’t be a good fit for the main set. The easiest way to meet that second constraint is to use a keyword that wasn’t present. This is a card that would have most likely been in MH2 to be reprinted here, but I think an Aura with storm is just a lot of fun. Combat damage trigger felt like the best way to make it being an Aura, rather than a sorcery distributing counters, worth it in a way that can be spread out or stacked on one creature.

[jadehaven]

Hello! I hope I'm not coming across as rude or anything, but I notice that a lot of people are upset because negative stuff about Celeborn is being accidentally tagged and it shows up in his tumblr tag. I'm of the belief that we are free to ship and dislike whatever we want, but I don't think it's a good idea to put negative stuff about him in his own tag. I'm Elondriel myself, and I know we hate seeing negative stuff about it in our own tags too. Could I ask you to please not write 'celeborn' as a whole word, but to break it into parts like cele/born or even 'cele born' when you're mentioning him in your tags so it doesn't look like we're intentionally putting hate into his own tag? Again, sorry for the weird ask, I just want shippers to be respectful of each other and create a peaceful environment for everyone!

Hello, thanks for clarifying your intentions, I appreciate it.

*Ahem*

I went back and forth on how to answer this tbh. There’s some things to be said here that maybe the whole fandom should pay attention to, so let’s get into it…

First things first, I am ship and let ship. Do I strongly disagree with some? Yeah. That doesn’t change the fact that if I follow the tag “Rings of Power”, I’m going to see those ships that I dislike come up on my feed. When I see those posts, I quickly and respectfully scroll on by. Because “ship and let ship” also means to let other people have a voice, and as long as it’s not active hate speech, I can respect without agreeing or even paying any attention.

Secondly, we need to remember that this is a fictional world, and Celeborn currently doesn’t have an actor in Ring of Power. Therefore, I’ve said nothing to offend a real person, even if it offends his fans. We are all allowed to have individual opinions about created things. That’s what art is supposed to be, up to the viewer’s interpretation.

Thirdly (sorry to be annoying by starting my paragraphs this way lol), we need to remember that the internet is a VERY diverse place. There are certain things that should under no circumstances be tolerated. That being said, I think that some folks have become a little bit sensitive about certain subjects, such as fandoms and fictional characters. I’m NOT talking about actors, or real people.

Thing is, I personally don’t mind if people come for Elrondriel. I don’t mind if they hate it with every fibre of their being, and I don’t mind that they post on it either. If someone has criticism about it, writes a well thought out post addressing their problems with it and tags Elrondriel, I will not care. Will I read it? Likely no. But their post is literally on that topic. I can’t go around dictating whether or not their post will be received by the right audience or not.

I think this all weighs in to remind us that we shouldn’t need to walk on eggshells when it comes to certain subjects. I’m sorry if my post offended anyone, but respectfully, it was not a “hate post” or “hate speech” regarding the character. It was an it was a critical observation if anything. Had this not been the case, your request would be more than valid. I expect to see all kinds of opinions when I come online, and it’s my personal duty to guard my heart when it comes to the things I love. But even despite this, there will be things that pop up that I will strongly disagree with and will have to make my peace with. It’s not easy, but it’s real life.

My final point is this: how folks judge my content is solely up to them. They can decide if they think I’m being petty or not, though I never intend to be. If they see my content and tags and discern that it’s being done out of spite, then that is on them. In this particular situation, it would be a different case had I tagged “haladriel” or “celadriel” because I specially wanted to ruffle feathers in the other ships. If some folks still interpret me tagging Celeborn as spiteful, then there’s nothing more I can do other than clarify that it was not my intention.

In lieu of your request, I will make sure to not tag Celeborn in any outright blasphemous posts about him, should I ever make any. But as for now, I will continue to tag the subjects that I write on and leave it up to viewers to either show their support, or scroll past. I hope you can understand.

Thanks for reading, sorry it’s so controversial lol.

xo Jade

[sarcasticsciencefictionwriter]

This story was written for @starbuckxcarter for the AU prompt list. They requested this on 7/3/23... This was a request through a comment on the post, not an ask, hence my summary here. The request was for a 'Teslen enemies/costars AU please'. So here it is. I will be writing a much larger AU based off of this (for Fictober, most likely).

_____

Untitled

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The scene looked cozy and relaxing. A handsome man and a beautiful woman, sitting at a table with baked goods and wine, smiling at each other. The background was charming. He was pouring wine into her glass, she had just set a pair of pastel macarons on a plate in front of him.

"They look wonderful, Helen. They'll pair very well with the Moscato." he said, still smiling.

"Then you should try them instead of talking about them." she invited, giving him a flirty smile in return.

They knocked their wine glasses together and each sipped before turning to the pastries on their plates.

It was only a few seconds after they had each finished one that anything else was said.

"Cut! That's a wrap!"

As soon as those words were said and the camera was turned off, both of their smiles vanished. They moved away from each other as if they couldn't stand being close for another moment.

The man, Nikola Tesla, picked his glass back up and knocked back the rest of his wine. Then he picked up the other glass and knocked that back too.

The woman, Helen Magnus, glared at him.

"That was mine."

"Trust me--I need it more than you do. All that time with you is putting me over the edge."

Helen snorted, standing up from the table and neatly brushing her skirt off.

"I am far more pleasant than you. And what did you do all day?" she countered, glaring at him.

"Be ordered around by you."

"You measured flour and stole my ingredients while worshipping alcohol." Helen snapped.

The crew ignored the back and forth between the two of them. While the two might have presented a charming, friendly, attractive pair on TV, they certainly didn't carry an ounce of that in real life. This argument was nothing new.

Nikola picked up one of the macarons, pale pink, and held it up.

"You make girly cookies. I, however, explore the complexities of alcohol and its relationship with food."

"You run a glorified drinking show!"

Nikola's eyes flashed at this. Helen gave him a smirk, clearly liking the effect that she was having on him. He stood up. The crew continued to go about their business, rolling their eyes or ignoring the pair.

Nikola was the well known host of the show Enigmatic Eats, a very popular show where he chose a different alcohol--whether it was type, flavor, brand or more--and cooked a meal to pair perfectly with it. Food, according to Nikola, was an art, but alcohol was the masterpiece and should never be overwhelmed or lost to the meal.

"It's better than what you do." he said hotly. "Your show just feeds the convention that women belong in the kitchen, baking pretty feminine things instead of anything else."

Helen gaped at Nikola, outraged by this.

Helen hosted her own show, Tokens of Confection, baking and making confections. She was the exact opposite of Nikola in some ways. Her show started simple each season, progressing in difficulty so that viewers had the chance to work along with her. Her kitchen was bright and simple, hallmarking an bygone era.

Nikola's, on the other hand, was dark wood and stainless steel, appearing more lab than kitchen in some aspects.

Theirs were the two most popular single-hosted, non-competition shows the network had, both having started in the same year. The shows aired from autumn to spring, leaving a gap in the network's ratings for the summer. Rather than shifting one show and tired of reruns, the network had put them together for a new show.

Enigmatic Confections--a name chosen as a compromise, though Nikola gloated that his went first--followed the premise of Nikola's show with the alcohol, but it was Helen baking things that complimented the choices.

This was the second season of filming for the pair and the behind-the-scenes hadn't gotten any easier. The two were more than willing to go for the other's throat if they had the chance. How they managed to pull it together for when the camera was on was a complete mystery.

Rather than engage in the current battle, Helen walked away from the argument, stepping behind the camera, minding any cords and things there might have been to trip her up.

She didn't have to take this and today she wasn't going to let it bother her. She'd had enough of this pointless arguing for the last few days.

They would be at it again soon enough. She didn't need any more right now. Of course, that wasn't what Nikola thought. He followed her. They were done filming, so now they were basically obsolete.

"Helen."

Helen ignored Nikola and kept walking. She didn't want to get into it right now.

"Helen, wait." Nikola said, grabbing for her arm.

Helen whipped around, feeling a surge of annoyance that was bordering on anger. She yanked her arm away from him. Nikola dropped his hand, but he looked curious.

"Did I really offend you that much?" he asked.

"Leave me alone, Nikola." Helen snapped, turning and walking around.

This time he let her.

_____

The next day, Helen was trying her hardest to ignore Nikola. He seemed remorseful for her reaction to his words, as if he somehow knew he had hit a sore spot.

Helen had to grudgingly admit to herself that it wasn't as if Nikola could have known that things like that had been said to her her entire career. Especially when she had chosen it as a career over anything else.

She had been told that she was feeding a stereotype. That if she wanted to prove that women could do anything, then she wasn't allowed to showcase that by doing what they were already told they could do.

Helen hated the hypocrisy. If you wanted to demonstrate that women could do anything, then you weren't allowed to do what women already did, even if you were good at it.

She doubted that Nikola thought about that sort of thing. But Helen was well aware that she was setting an example, especially when she had a young daughter of her own.

It was not just a baking show. It was a way to show the world what she could do. To encourage other to do the same. To show herself that she could make it on her own, especially as a single mother of two.

"Cut!"

Helen looked up, startled by this direction, pausing in her mixing. Nikola stopped romanticizing the flavor of the sake he had chosen for today. It was a challenge to pair sake of all things with baked goods, but Helen had enjoyed the challenge.

"In the middle of my dialouge?" Nikola said indignantly, setting down the glass.

The producer behind the camera didn't look very happy as he surveyed the two of them.

"Helen." the producer said. "You need to stop looking like that."

Helen set her whisk down and stared at him.

"Looking like what?"

"You're furrowing your brow and biting your lip. You look like the dry ingredients have done something to you. Take if from the top."

Helen stared.

"I've already mixed--"

"Throw it out and start again."

Helen did not throw it out. That was just wasteful. She put it away to use later, after the filming had stopped.

Nikola was actually much more helpful the second time around. He lined up the jars nicely for her and measured out what she needed, actually using the mixer to whip the egg whites without her having to ask him.

They got the sponge into the oven and then set about making the rest.

By the time they were sitting together, with the match tiramisu she had made and Nikola's chosen, chilled sake, Helen was feeling much better.

She had no idea why, exactly. Nikola was still being annoying. Snarky. But the simple gestures of helping without her asking him had made her feel better.

Of course, it didn't last. Her smile may not have been as forced as usual at the beginning, but they had to refilm before they had even cut into the tiramisu. Mostly because Nikola had reverted back to his usual charming self.

Helen was relieved when they had finished for the day. Once the camera crew had cleared out, she went back into the kitchen. She wasn't going to make anything like the tiramisu, but the ingredients were there and she would make a simple sponge. Take it home. Henry in particular loved plain sponge.

She was mixing the rest of the ingredients in, humming to herself, when she heard a noise.

Helen looked up. Nikola was leaning in the doorway, watching her with raised eyebrows and a small smile that looked almost... predatory.

"What?" she snapped at him, continuing to mix, glaring at him.

"Just wanted to see what the great Helen Magnus was up to. I didn't think that you would be baking in your off hours. Don't you have a rug rat or two to get home to?"

Helen poured the mix into the pan.

"They're with my ex-husband." she bit out.

"Now that doesn't surprise me."

"What?" Helen was genuinely puzzled by the comment.

"That you have an ex-husband. It makes a lot more sense than you actually keeping one considering your oh-so-pleasant demeanor."

Helen threw her spatula at him.

Nikola ducked, but she hadn't been aiming for his head and it struck him on the left side of the chest, smearing a pale streak of sponge batter down his dark suit jacket. He gaped at her, looking at the smear.

"Do you have any idea how much this costs?!" he yelled at her, clearly not certain what to do to get it off without making it worse.

It made her feel a little smug.

"More money than it should for something you wear around good prep." Helen said smoothly, bending and sliding her pan into the oven. She closed the door and set the timer.

If it hadn't been for the bloody contract and the fact that the potential renewal of her show--her livelihood--hung in the balance, Helen would have quit the show. She didn't want to have to deal with Nikola's arrogance so often.

They had aways been rivals. How could they not be, when their shows had started in the same year and everything else? They each had high satisfaction when they beat the other in ratings and things like that. Work functions had brought them together and introduced them to each other. Now that they had been forced together things had just escalated.

Nikola stalked towards her. The counter stayed between them and Helen knew that it was probably a good thing. They had never gotten physical with each other--at least, not enough to harm each other--but Helen was tempted.

She was in a bad mood. What Nikola had said grated. Everything he said or did. Not just today or yesterday. The fact she wouldn't be coming home to her children.

Helen stared Nikola down, holding his gaze.

She was shocked to find herself noticing just how blue his eyes were, even alight with anger like they were right now.

Helen was furious with herself for this.

Nikola dragged his fingers through the batter on his chest and, slowly and deliberately, ran his hand across her face and into her hair.

"Nikola!"

Helen jerked back, holding out her hair to see how far it had spread. Nikola smirked, looking very satisfied. Helen glared at him and searched for something else to hit him with, to make him as messy as possible. She had nothing on hand, unless she wanted to put the bowl on his head.

"That was--" Helen spluttered.

"Turn the battle into a war, Magnus, and be prepared to receive what you deal."

With that, Nikola sauntered out of the kitchen.

_____

The tension rose between them each filming day, the weeks passing quickly. The stakes were higher.

After another round of smearing each other with ingredients--this time in front of the entire crew---both Helen and Nikola had been sat down and scolded as if they were children. If they couldn't get their acts together, if the show was cancelled, both of their own shows would be on the line.

Helen had the sinking feeling that hers would be on the chopping block first. Because that was how it worked. Nikola was more charismatic. He was a man. If they couldn't get alone, it would be her that was thrown out in the cold.

The pressure to be polite, to ignore Nikola trying to get under her skin, was getting to Helen.

But she was good enough for the cameras.

If she didn't know better, Helen would have thought that Nikola actually noticed and was trying to dial it back. He was kinder to her off camera, in the short window they interacted when the camera was off.

Today was actually a set of confections of floral flavors to compliment Nikola's chosen gewurztraminer. She could have made more macarons, but since she had already done those this season, there was no redoing them.

They did what they were supposed to do with minimal fighting between takes and scenes. Nikola was actually helping and Helen caught herself staring at him more than she normally would, watching him and wondering.

He was still annoying--more than--of course. But Helen was, for the first time, trying to look underneath that. The Nikola that she had initially met wouldn't have been helpful. He wouldn't have been remorseful. But now he was and it was confusing and the hell out of Helen was putting her even more on edge.

Which was ironic, because Helen was fairly certain that Nikola was actually trying to put her at ease. She put the meringue kisses into the oven and moved on to the next confection.

They didn't exactly have a script and Nikola loved to go off of it, but he was being nicer than usual. Oh, his usual attitude didn't vanish, but the things that he was saying were reading differently than they usually did.

And Helen caught him looking at her like she was looking at him.

She was baffled. This wasn't how they usually worked. But she found that she didn't mind it. That was the strangest thing.

Nikola grinned at her as he took the bowl from her, taking over mixing so that she could measure. Helen, flustered, smiled back.

Her smile was still very much real when they were sitting at the table together, sipping their wine and sampling what she had made.

"Cut!"

Helen dragged her eyes away from Nikola when this was said and looked behind the camera. It seemed that they had done no wrong, because they got a thumbs up.

Nikola sipped his wine one more time and got up. Helen stayed where she was seated, biting down on her lip for a moment. She sipped her wine, watching as Nikola walked away.

She looked calm and collected, but her mind was racing. The idea of what she was considering doing was thrilling and scary at the same time.

Taking a deep breath, Helen set her wine down and followed Nikola. She had timed it at least, so the crew wasn't around them.

"Nikola."

He half turned towards her, arching an eyebrow. She had never come after him like this. A part of Helen was telling her just how bad of an idea this was. They had spent the majority of their time hating each other, after all. This could go very wrong.

"Yes?" he asked at her prolonged silence.

"I was wondering if you would like to get something to eat with me later. Perhaps a drink." Helen said.

He looked her up and down.

"You do realize that was what we were just doing, don't you?" he asked.

Helen gave him a look.

"I was thinking perhaps somewhere you don't have to analyze and choose the alcohol and I don't have to make the food." she said.

Nikola was quiet for a few moments, during which Helen became convinced this had been a horrible idea. But then he gave her that signature smile.

"All right."

Helen stared, surprised by the answer.

"All right?"

"I do believe that's what I said." Nikola waited a beat. "But you're paying."

Helen smiled in return.

"All right."

[starsfic]

Mk and Red Son putting a scavenger hunt for their guardians to tell them that they'll be grandparents (bonus if Wukong, DBK, Iron Fan, Pigsy, and Tang are over the moon about the news especially upon looking at the ultra sound pic)

"Here you go!"

Pigsy raised a brow as Tang oohed over the bowl of noodles their son had stuffed into his hands. “I thought we were having lunch together?” He asked as Xiaotian leaned over into the kitchen and pulled out a scroll. That was the plan at least, with the Demon Bull couple and Sun Wukong there too.

Xiaotian let out a wordless noise of apology. “Sorry, I was really looking forward to it. But, uh,” His fingers gently tapped against the scroll he held. “Something came up. I hope you guys enjoy lunch!”

Before Pigsy could say anything, he was out the door.

“Well, that was weird.” Tang didn’t sound too bothered, however. He was eyeing the noodles he held and licking his lips. “Hello, my beauties…” He leaned the bowl back.

“Wait!” Wukong had noticed the same thing Pigsy had. Grabbing his husband, he plucked off the envelope taped to the bottom of the bowl.

“What does it say?” Princess Iron Fan asked. She looked both bored and intrigued somehow.

Pigsy cleared his throat. "We sent you this to begin a game, in it you'll follow clues leading you place to place, and once you get to where we lie, we will give you a special prize; now to find the next clue that you will need, go to the place where the young one go to play, where people go to enjoy a sunny day, you'll find the clue on a post by the lilies-”

Wukong gasped. “This sounds like a scavenger hunt!” DBK winced as his former sworn brother's tail wagged back and forth. “Okay, okay, so-”

“What does the letter mean “Where the young ones go to play?” Wukong frowned as DBK cut him off.

Pigsy considered the letter. He gasped as an idea popped to mind before grinning brightly. “Wait, this sounds like that park located in the east section!” Tang let out his own gasp, clearly catching on. It was a large park with stunning views and a beautiful pond full of water lilies.

“So what are we waiting for?!” Tang grabbed Pigsy’s hand and yanked him out of the shop. Wukong and the Demon Bull couple followed fast behind. “Let’s go!”

-_-

The East Park was full of people. Most of them were children, racing around and playing on the playground as parents watched on. Iron Fan made a little noise and Pigsy was tempted to do the same.

Pigsy and Tang had taken Qi Xiaotian to this park for years. His favorite spot was the swings. 

Push me Daddy! Push me! 

His second was under a big oak tree next to the lily pond, where he sketched. And there, tied to a branch, was a familiar red bandana. DBK pulled it off and when he opened his hand, a white scroll sat there. It wasn’t the scroll Xiaotian had pulled out. It didn’t have the red bow.

“My turn!” Wukong practically sang the words as he snatched the paper away. Settling on DBK’s shoulder and ignoring the bull’s angry snort, he unfurled it. "This next clue is found somewhere where you can go to learn, whether it'll be science, math or about the world, the next clue is hidden where you go to do art, then you'll know where to go for the next part."

“A school?” Iron Fan offered. She looked less bored now. “Is there a certain school…?”

Tang grinned. “I know the place!” He looked around before grabbing Pigsy’s hand. “And it’s just down the street!”

Right down the street was an elementary school. Tang went there every week to read to the kids, mostly Journey to the West. Xiaotian also swung by occasionally to help the kids in art class. Once Pigsy had driven by to pick up Xiaotian, the kid had been covered in so many kids, all pleading for him to stay and play some more.

A receptionist was tapping away when the group entered. “Hey, Meilin!” Tang said brightly.

“Oh, hello Tang! Are you here for the special surprise?”

Tang raised a brow. “Yes. How did you know?”

Meilin looked around before leaning forward. “He hid it in 106.”

And just like that, they were heading down the hall and into 106. The room was bright and colorful, art supplies were organized nicely and neat, and students’ work was hung up on one wall. Thankfully it was also empty. DBK had to shrink down to fit and Pigsy didn’t want to cause a panic.

“Hm, now where could that clue be?” DBK said out loud. He headed over to the students’ work, Wukong following. On a guess, Pigsy headed over to the art supplies. He could see Tang head to the teacher’s desk.

“Found it!”

Tang handed over the scroll to Iron Fan. She unfurled it, traced down the words were a red nail, before clearing her throat. “The next clue is a place near and dear to DBK's heart, the place where Noodle Boy danced in the underground-” She came to a pause. Her brows furrowed.

“What?”

“I know where it is.”

-_-

Wukong let out an awkward “Ah.”

Tied to a pipe above was a scroll.

They were in the cave that Wukong admitted was where DBK had been sealed up. There was an awkward silence before the monkey hopped up and passed it to DBK. He snatched it away and opened it. “And now you return to your home away from home where a special prize awaits you, where Red Son conducts his business.”

“Is that their place?”

“Has to be!” Tang said brightly. “Let’s see what they have!”

-_-

The elevator dinged.

“Kid?” Pigsy called. On either side of the elevator into the penthouse, balloons floated.

“Upstairs!” Xiaotian’s voice called, sounding from Red’s office. He sounded really really happy. “You’re just in time!”

Up the stairs, open the door, and-

“SURPRISE!”

Sandy and Xiaojiao yanked out poppers. The office had been transformed. The walls were now a gentle pink, one wall being overtaken by shelves of plushies while the other was covered in a beautiful mural of red and orange flowers. Baby furniture was carefully arranged. Red, holding a cake, was arm in arm with Xiaotian, holding a present box with a scroll.

The nursery filled with screams. Someone burst into tears.

[crybabyalexxx]

Nova

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You and Bucky have a secret arrangement. Inspired by Billie Eilish’s ‘Billie Bossa Nova’

Warnings: NSFW 18+, submissive Bucky, dominant reader, BDSM involved

A/N: This was very fun to write as always. It is my first time writing anything for Bucky but this song just reminds me so much of him and I couldn’t help myself. Hope everyone enjoys it! I always get so nervous before posting a story.

Word Count: 2k

Here you were at another one of Tony’s parties. It’s not like you weren’t having any fun, it’s just that you’d rather be somewhere else. With someone else. It was rare when everyone got a moment for themselves so you all enjoyed it when everyone was together. Made you feel like a real family. But tonight, you only wanted to be with one person.

“Hey stranger, you’re quiet tonight. Everything alright?’ Natasha makes her way up to you, drink in hand. She always made sure you were treated well and felt comfortable. You were so thankful for her.

“Yeah, just a little tired.” Across the room from you was Bucky. James Buchanan Barnes. The Winter Soldier. You two came face to face a few times on missions, before and after you joined the team. He hates to admit it but you were a tough one to fight. You love to remind him how easily you can kick his ass. You loved it when you got him down on his knees.

Bucky couldn’t keep his eyes off of you all night. From the moment you walked into the room with that silk green dress. It was causal, yet he adored you. He was quieter than usual, but everyone blew it off as ‘Bucky being Bucky’, and he didn’t mind. He just needed you. Bucky knew you thought the same thing too, it was the way you were looking at him. Like you wanted him on his knees. He wanted to obey.

Nobody knew but you and Bucky would regularly meet. When everyone was asleep, you and the Winter Soldier would sneak off and hide behind closed doors. It all started one night after training, the way he was breathing against you. Your legs wrapped around him tightly. Then it happened again after a mission, him knocking on your door and you pulling him in. It’s hard to stop it once it starts. After a while, Bucky told you about him wanting to be submissive. It threw you off at first, you figured after being mind washed for all those years that he would want to be in control for once.

“Sometimes everything becomes too much and I just want someone to take a little control every once in a while.” Bucky lied with you on one of the many hotel beds you’ve been in together.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, James. I understand, I’ll do it. I was always good at getting you on your knees for me.”

“I think I’m gonna go ahead and get to bed. Behave for me will ya?” Natasha smirks and gives you a wink.

“You know me y/n, I like to have a little fun before bed.” You wink back at her and head out to the elevator, with a Bucky Barnes hot on your heels. You didn’t even have to look at him to make him come to you. It won’t be the only time tonight either.

“Fuck, I’m sorry Doll.” It had been a while since the two of you had been in the same room together. So when you both heard you had the weekend off, you couldn’t let that opportunity pass. He’d been worked up and you didn’t want to wait any longer. You loved it when he came without a warning, sometimes waiting can get so boring. You wiped the cum off your hands with your tongue. “Don’t apologize, James, I like how worked up you get.” Bucky chuckles and shakes his head in disbelief. “Only you do it how I like.”

You and Bucky don’t say anything on the way up to your room. You were lucky enough to have your rooms across from each other, nobody would know that he was secretly with you. It was like a routine, a dance between the two of you. Bucky undressed and waited for your command. You walk around him in circles, like he was prey. He wanted you to devour him already.

“On the bed.” He grew an erection immediately. Just by your three simple words. He did as he was told like a good soldier. He even held his hands above his head without having to be told. You straddle his waist as you tie him up. Bucky shuts his eyes tight, he knows he won’t last long with the way you look, fully dressed and slightly grazing him where he needed you most.

You smirk and grind your hips roughly, causing Bucky to throw his head back hard into the pillow. It was as if somebody knocked the wind out of him. His eyes shot open and he swore there was nothing more beautiful than the sight above him. You smiling down at him, your hair coming down loosely. He wasn’t going to last long. You could feel him squirming slightly underneath you. “Y/n, please.”

“Name?”

“Nova.” When you and Bucky weren’t back at the compound, you were in different hotels. Using different names at hotel check-ins. It was routine. Being together for the night, just to feel something. You wanted to be in control and Bucky was more than happy to be controlled by you. You hadn’t realized how much you enjoyed it, having him this way. He could easily take control if he wanted to. But you had him at your mercy, and you were an addict for him.

You were never the sentimental type, but there was something about the way he looked right now for you tonight. Tied up and an absolute mess. You wanted to keep him like this forever. “You make me wanna take a picture of you, James.” You were completely naked for him now. His erection trapped in between your folds, you raked your nails up and down his arms and chest. You made sure to take your time with his metal arm. Made sure he knew that all of him deserved to feel good tonight. “All tied up and wrecked because of me.” Bucky rolled his hips forward to get some sort of friction from you. You held his hips down and tsked. “Be a good soldier now Barnes.” You could make a movie with him that you both would have to hide.

Bucky grunted and threw his head back in frustration. “The things you do to me, Doll.”

You kiss your way up to his neck, “Don’t get sentimental on me James.”

You’d been ignoring bucky all day. It was one of those days where everyone just kind of kept to themselves. You read a few books and paid no mind to Bucky when he walked in the room. You didn’t even look at him when you two were alone in the library. You could feel his eyes on you every second. You could feel how squirmy he was because of it. Even when he caught up with you on the elevator, you simply pulled out your phone and acted like it was the most interesting thing to you. It pained Bucky to not be able to reach out to you. It was torture not having you all over him, your hands pulling at his hair, grabbing his waist, and dragging him to your room. He almost went back to his room, but before he reached the doorknob he looked back at you one last time. He was surprised to see you staring back at him, then you entered your room without closing the door behind you. He took that as an invitation.

Once he closes the door behind him he grabs you and pins you against the door. “Look at me when we’re alone, please.” You knew it wouldn’t take much to get him going. You knew it was torture though. He kissed you like you could one day slip away. “I know, I know.”

You were glad that these walls were soundproof. The noises he was pulling out of you, the sounds he made in your ear. It was like a song you never got tired of hearing. The way he stretched you out, yet fit inside you so perfectly. This was all you needed. He was all you needed. If anybody saw you two this way, you don’t know what they would think. The Winter Soldier begging to come. Moaning out your name. You squeeze around him at the thought. “Fuck! If you keep doing that I’m not gonna last much longer.” You lean in closer to him and squeeze around him once more. “Promise?”

Bucky couldn’t get enough of you, he left hickeys anywhere his mouth could reach. “You leave a strong impression don’t you Barnes?” It might be more of an obsession.

“Anyone see you?” He layed you down softly on the bed.

“No, you?” There was a slight knot in your stomach. You didn’t understand it.

“No.” Bucky continued his assault on your breast.

They won’t see me in your arms, you thought.

You’re not sentimental but there’s something about the way he looks tonight. Desperate, aching, and all yours. You could feel bucky tense up beneath you so you decided to drag this out a little longer. You rocked your hips back and forth slowly. Taking his cock in and out of you torturously slow. “Please Doll.” You’ll never get tired of hearing him beg.

“Who do you belong to?” You started to slam into him and Bucky saw stars.

“I won’t repeat myself, James.” You squeezed his throat gently.

“You! I belong to you y/n! Fuck.” You were going to be the death of him.

“Good Soldier.”

Sometimes you thought about being with Bucky. What it would be like to not have to sneak around and just be with each other. You wondered if Bucky thought the same. You wanted everyone to know the people you two became when you’re alone together. Even make them jealous for a change.

‘What are you thinking about?” You layed in Bucky’s arms, not having the energy to go back to your room yet. If you were being honest with yourself, you enjoyed the feeling of being in Bucky’s arms. The coolness of his metal arm with the warmth of his body. You stayed silent for a while. Debating whether or not to tell him the truth.

“That I’m the only one who does it how you like.”

You climb off of him and ride his thigh instead. Bucky whimpers and stares at you. He could feel how wet you are. You lean down and leave hickeys on his hips roughly. Once you are satisfied you climb completely off him and leave him hard and bare. He takes in a deep breath and pulls against his restraints. It was torture, but you both loved it. Bucky shuts his eyes again. ‘Please.” It won’t take much to get him going. “I know, I know.”

You walk around to the foot of the bed, fully naked. You saw your masterpiece. He was a work of art to you. The way his chest rose, the redness in his cheeks. The trail of your lips splattered all across his body. You were obsessed.

Bucky can hear your soft footsteps. He doesn’t dare look, he knows he won’t last long if he does.

“Look at me a little more James.” It took everything in him not to come the moment he saw you. He could see the wetness dripping from your cunt. The small hickeys covering your body, the ones he left. You were worth waiting for. He was obsessed.

His heavy breathing could have you on the floor. You watched him look your body up and down like it was a piece of art. You didn’t have to say anything, Bucky knew what you wanted. He wanted it too.

“I’m yours.”

You weren’t sentimental, but tonight there was something about him.

“I’m yours.”

[relaxxattack]

hi im asking u this bc u seem to be bee duo enthusiast so

ive been calling c! beeduos relationship platonic because i thought that was what their cc’s said, and i thought they had said that they were uncomfortable with ppl shipping the characters. But ive seen a lot of posts that say their relationship is canonically romantic? and i absolutely do not want to come across as homophobic by watering down a mlm relationship to just friends because that happens so much in media so.

what is the canon state of their relationship / ur opinions on the platonic thibg

dont worry abt answering if u dont want to!! i see a lot of differing opinions and i trust yours :)

aw it’s totally fine, im flattered you asked me about this!

let me put it simply: it’s a whole mess, lol.

first im going to talk about what’s happened fandom-wide that caused differing opinions, and then i’ll explain my own opinion/interpretation. :]

(this got really fucking long im so sorry)

ranboo and tubbo initially proclaimed the relationship was romantic, specifically in argument with the wiki editors who had set it as platonic by default. (you can see this in the vod where they decide they’re canonically married— it’s very funny. chat tells them the marriage is already on the wiki, they check, tubbo is jokingly offended that it says platonic and asks if he needs to up the romance).

tubbo also makes jokes about adultry, which sort of implies the relationship is not necessarily a platonic one.

(theres definetly more in that stream alone but it’s been a long time since i watched it so i don’t remember a lot of it.)

the wiki, because of this, suffers from going back and forth on platonic and romantic, seemingly unsure where the joke ends and the canon begins, or if its canonically a joke! a mess, as you can already tell.

this gets more complicated as the marriage bit goes on: outsiders, such as phil and scott, both at one point say “platonic marriage”, which then ranboo and tubbo agree with. however, when chat asks them if they’re platonic, they say the opposite. so there is a lot of confusion there.

there’s also the difficulty of being able to tell streamers and characters apart. ranboo and tubbo both don’t like being shipped irl, and that’s their boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. (they’re also minors, but tbh when they’re 18 in a year i will still be following their boundaries regardless of their legal age).

due to people not wanting to be accused of minor shipping, they started adding the platonic tone indicator to most of their drawings— basically a way of saying “no homo”. meanwhile, tubbo frequently on stream flirts with ranboo and makes quite a bit of nsfw comments towards him that are frankly hilarious.

this goes on for a while with nobody really sure what’s canon, but a lot of people assuming it’s probably platonic, until: the drama of the mods night. a few mods dmed all the wiki editors telling them ranboo wanted his canon character relationship officially set to platonic.

unfortunately for those mods; the very same day, a few hours later, ranboo on stream makes fun of puffy delivering him and tubbo “friendship flowers”. because, and i quote, “bruh. we’re literally married. this must be how the ancient greeks felt.”

in case you don’t know, the internet often jokes about how historians will call ancient greeks ‘very good friends’ when they are quite obviously gay. so in this context, ranboo is joking that people will call him and c!tubbo, who are married, “close friends”, when he doesn’t think they are.

basically, ranboo canonized romantic bee duo, the very same day the mods told everyone he’d wanted a platonic one.

chaos and drama immediately erupted everywhere. on tumblr, we were talking about how weird it was of his mods to do something like that without asking him first. we ALSO talked about how weird it was of them to assume that ranboo can’t make his own decisions, or assume teenagers cannot be in relationships without it being sexual. twitter did the same thing but in the opposite direction: called ranboo mods homophobic, or said they were mad ranboo felt pressured into making a romantic relationship canon ‘just so people could have mlm rep.’

i dont want to go into detail about the drama that happened that night because apparently official people follow me and i dont want to stir it up or have them come “clarify” things. im just saying what we talked about.

ranboo in typical ranboo fashion apologized quickly and seriously. he was deeply sorry for possibly offending anyone with how he’d portrayed his rp relationship with tubbo, and he also assured everyone the mod thing was just a miscommunication.

he said he would talk to tubbo and they’d decide once and for all whether it was platonic or romantic, and then announce so everyone would know.

it’s now been a few months and we've had no word from them on that development. we still have no clue.

-

now, here’s my opinion:

i want to take ranboos word for it that it was a miscommunication with his mods, but... we had it on good authority from people on the wiki team and people in the discord with the mods that (while it was happening) they were really going after the wiki admins, and also made some weird comments about it. that combined with the way ranboo seemingly had no clue (considering he canonized their romance that very same day).... it’s very. sus of the mods.

then there’s the canon we’ve got since then. although occasionally adults in the room have called it a “platonic marriage” and tubbo once (back when it first started) called it a “plankton tectonic” marriage, in roleplay it’s been... kind of not that. tubbo and ranboo make nsfw jokes about each other in character, and their characters also share a master bedroom and bed in the mansion. there's also the way c!tommy really thinks it’s a romance between them as well, and they agree with and play off that— for instance confirming that they “fell in love” when he asked, or ranboo confirming that they “make out on occasion”.

people will still put platonic on their art and posts, imo, because they’re worried about breaking ranboo and tubbo’s irl boundaries by looking like they ship them. or even just being accused of shipping real life minors. and that’s a valid fear to have.

the thing is though: c!bee duo are not cc!bee duo. they’re roleplay characters. cc!bee duo are not okay with being shipped, but they made their characters get canonically married, and call each other “husbands”. so it’s okay to write the word “husband” in your comic without adding “platonic” to it, i promise.

telling the ccs that their characters have to be platonic is... weird. it comes off as not only babying them, but also as saying teens can’t date without it being gross. which isn’t true.

(this is why seeing people overuse “platonic husband” so much bothers me. like, they ARE husbands. you can just say it. what are you trying to hide...?)

-

do i think they’re canonically romantic? ehh, its likely. it’s still okay to interpret them as platonic, because again, it’s hard to tell where jokes end and roleplay begins. like, maybe it’s jokes in the rp too, and c!bee duo are just friends. friends can and should be allowed to make jokes like that with each other! aro & ace marriages exist!

or, maybe it’s actually part of the rp, and they’re very much romantic. we don’t know!

some people say they could be a qpr (queerplatonic romance), which i could see. (a qpr is a relationship that fluctuates between, or can’t quite be sorted into, “romantic” and “platonic”. people in a qpr can do romantic things while having platonic feelings for each other). in my opinion this is a very valid interpretation as well!

-

CONCLUSION (sorry this got so long omfg):

are c!bee duo romantic?

its likely, but you can still interpret them however you like!

should i put /p on bee duo content?

ehhh? i find it annoying when it’s overused (as do others), but if you’re worried you can. its up to preference. putting it too much is weird though

should i put /p on things cc! bee duo do?

no. you’re not the one saying it so you can’t decide the tone tags for that. imagine you said something to your friend and a random stranger came up and was like “haha but that was /p right...?”

can i ship c!bee duo?

mmm. i’m not sure on this one. they are canonically married and very flirtatious, but the ccs don’t like being shipped and they’re close enough to being the ccs that actively shipping might be against boundaries.

can i treat c!bee duo as romantic?

yes. literally just don’t be weird about it. it’s not that hard! you can understand that two characters are husbands without making it weird

here’s the most important thing: boundaries. cc bee duo still haven’t told us what their preferences and canon is about this whole thing.

right now, i am assuming based on what they already show us they’re comfortable with, but! the second they give us any more info! all these opinions will change!

i am only going off what they do. i would never want to cross boundaries at all. i just wish they would make theirs a little more clear.

..... i hope that helped anon, i went way off the rails... i need to go to sleep.

[sehunniepotwrites]

sakura kiss | n.yt

PART III OF FOR YOU IN FULL BLOOM: THE HANAHAKI COLLECTION

🌸 synopsis—the four times you noticed yuta’s love for flowers and the one time you realized it was not the flowers he was in love with

🌸 genre—  would you be so kind? universe ; hanahaki!au, university!au, flower shop!au, angst, romance, slight fluff, mutual pining, strangers to lovers!au 🌸 pairing— art student/florist!yuta x art student!reader (f) 🌸 word count— 9000+

🌸 warnings — cursing; mentions of coughing, vomiting, hospital visits, death (no one dies!!), two idiots in love

🌸 author’s note—so i finished a fic with my favorite trope in time for my birthday today (dec 11th) and i’m posting to celebrate! it all started with this tweet that said yuta used to work at a flower shop and enjoyed drawing the plants during his free time! 

this was a fun write and it takes place in the same verse as wybsk, which is linked above! you can read sakura kiss as a stand alone or after wybsk to get a better understanding of two scenes! to those you came from my mark fic, i gave yn a name (kira)!

but here she is! enjoy and be sure to tell me what you think!! i love feedback uwu

Nakamoto Yuta, you noticed, was an unusual fellow. He was your senior in the art department, a fourth-year preparing for his graduation while you were a couple of semesters behind him. Other than his small circle of friends, the foreign exchange student kept to himself, burying his handsome face in his sketchbook. You had classes together before but those were large lectures with over fifty students in the room— this was the first time you shared a small studio lab with him.

Barely interacting with him in the past, you were determined to change that no matter how intimidating Yuta was.

Were you intimidated by his extremely good looks or his unmatched talents in the fine arts? Both. Definitely both. He turned heads without fail and when he smiled, oh my god, you thought he was the sun. Yuta was pretty, beyond pretty even, with his striking face, brown eyes, and perfect body proportions. 

To add on top of his perfection, his art style was immaculate. The artist never failed to steal your breath away with a couple of strokes and a swipe of his blessed hand. Anything he touched turned to gold. Never sharing those thoughts with him in the past, you made a firm decision to tell your senior this coming semester.

Yuta sat at the easel next to you, barely two feet away from your station. His sketchbook and drawing utensils were already splayed out on the holder. He was fiddling with his phone to pass the time, his painted nails rapidly hitting his touchscreen. How did Yuta make something so mundane as checking his phone look so ethereal? The inner most thoughts in your head cursed whatever beings lived in the beyond for not endowing you with such looks. 

You gulped, gathering up the courage to talk to him. “Hey,” you greeted shyly. 

Hey? That was the best you could do?

Yuta turned towards you, gaze shifting away from his phone. “Hey,” he said back with a slight curve of the lip. 

“I don’t know if you remember me but we had a couple of classes together last semester,” you forced yourself to say with an awkward smile.

He grinned and his teeth sunk into his bottom lip, almost like he was holding back a laugh. “Yeah, no, of course, I remember you.” Your name slips from his mouth, causing your awkward smile to turn into a genuine one. His tone is kind and his voice is low, sending shivers down your spine.

You tried your best to keep the conversation going, wanting to finally compliment him on his work but your professor entered the room and called for everyone’s attention. He handed out the syllabus to a student upfront and around the papers went, signifying the start of your first class. Yuta shot you an apologetic look, conveying that you could always continue the conversation later. 

The overview of the course’s syllabus was always the boring part of the first days. Your eyes glazed over, still not fully awake from rising early, and you tried to shake the sleepiness away. Stealing a glance at Yuta, you almost laughed at how his easel was angled in a way to hide that he wasn’t paying any attention. His syllabus outline was discarded off to the side and Yuta’s hands were moving rapidly, sketching out a large tree in full bloom in a page of his notebook.

It looked like flower petals raining from the branches and a person leaning against the tree trunk, hiding underneath the shade. His sketching speed and quality amazed you— how exactly did he sketch that fast and that beautifully?

You made sure your professor wasn’t looking in your direction before nudging Yuta’s side to grab his attention. He snapped out of his drawing daze and turned to you with widened eyes. A red seeped into his ears and pale cheeks, but you missed it completely, eyes zoned in on his quick draw.

“Hm?”

“That’s really good,” you whispered.

He rubbed the back of his neck at your compliment. “It’s just a quick sketch,” Yuta tried to play it off. He was never one to take compliments so well.

You leaned over to get a closer look. Noticing you almost falling off your stool, Yuta shifted his easel slightly closer to yours. “Is that a cherry blossom tree?”

He nodded, “Yeah, they’ve been on my mind a lot.”

“Do they remind you of home?” you asked. You couldn’t imagine being an exchange student in a foreign country— you would miss home too much.

“Yeah but that’s not really the reason why I’m drawing them,” he replied. His eyes shifted to a look of pain or discomfort as if he was reminded of a scarring memory. You watched him closely to make sure he was okay. He cleared his throat before letting out a couple of concealed coughs, face digging into his shoulder. 

“You alright, Nakamoto?” You were too embarrassed to call him by his first name.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just a little cough.” Yuta gave you a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, “And you can just call me Yuta, you know?”

“Right, noted,” the name felt so foreign on your tongue. 

“I have cough drops in my bag if you want some,” you offered, already reaching down to grab your backpack. He quickly dismissed you, telling you it wasn’t necessary. 

Continuing to watch him sketch, you admired the way Yuta fussed over the smallest details— the lining, the shading, etc. It was nothing more than a simple sketch but if it was gifted to you, it would be framed and hung for the world to see. 

He really was an artistic genius. 

“Cherry blossoms are my favorite flowers,” you said.

You were too absorbed in his drawing to hear him mutter, “I know.”

“You say something?” 

Yuta cleared his throat again with a pained expression. His hand held his neck for a second before shaking his head. “I said, they used to be mine too.”

Huh, you never really picked him as the flower loving type. 

—🌸—

This was the third time Nakamoto Yuta had flowers growing in his chest and he hated it. 

It was less painful the first two times around, probably because they were nothing more than fleeting crushes. He was in high school then, wholly infatuated with two different students during those years. Yuta followed them around like a lovesick puppy, all smiles and waiting on their hands and feet. He coughed a couple of petals out and it caused some uneasiness, but after being rejected harshly, Yuta pushed himself to move on. 

The pain of high school rejection could never compare to the dull ache he was feeling as he looked at you. There you were, the person he secretly admired for the past two semesters, merely two feet away at your own easel. 

You looked so in your element, eyebrows knitted and pencil in hand as you sketched away. A sight so captivating, Yuta almost forgot to breathe. Being an artist himself, he wanted to preserve that image on a canvas but he didn’t think his hand could do you justice. No pencil sketch, no painted canvas, no marble or clay sculpture could even compare to you. 

This was more than puppy love. More than infatuation. Yuta was sure of it but how was he to let you know? You barely knew each other and a confession out of nowhere wouldn’t be the best way to get acquainted. 

Perhaps another time, he thought to himself, before turning back to his sketch. 

You would’ve never guessed that Yuta Nakamoto had a thing for flowers but he did.

Then again, you didn’t really know what he had a thing for to begin with— your friendship just started to bloom. It was like a bud barely opening under the sunlight; with each interaction, there was something new you learned about the quiet yet charismatic art major. 

You knew he was a Japanese exchange student that majored in art, that was a given. You recently learned he loved cherry blossoms and that watercolor was his favorite art medium yet you still wanted to learn more. 

The first time you ran into him outside of class was in the university library. Yuta sat at one of the tables, his space surrounded by books on flowers. There were books on the language, arrangements, and gardening tips. His face was deep into his sketchbook once again, back bent over the desk but his focused eyes darted back and forth between his drawing and his page of reference. 

Yuta didn’t even notice as you hovered over him, debating on whether you should say hi. Even with your shadow casting over his body, his deep concentration never faltered. 

His page was filled with various plants and flowers, little notes in a messy scrawl right under their pictures. He was currently drawing cherry blossoms, the page he was referring to showcasing the anatomy of the famous flower.

“Cherry blossoms again, Yuta?” you broke the silence.

Your voice startled him, causing his pencil to slip from the artist’s grip. It made an accidental mark and you whispered an apology as he clicked his tongue. 

“Don’t worry about it, nothing an eraser can’t fix,” Yuta reassured you as he rid his paper of the unwanted mark. He blew the eraser bits of his page, hand sweeping his surface clean. He offered you the seat next to him and you gladly took it.

“So, why are you always sketching flowers?” you posed as your hand gestured to all the books he had on his person. 

“They’re beautiful, don’t you think?” he answered with another question. He gave you a cheeky little grin, his lips widening to show off his beautiful pearly whites.

“Well, yeah.”

“It’s a shame they die so easily,” Yuta said, fingers running over his sketches. “Beautiful but fleeting.”

“But that’s life, isn’t it?”

“I guess it is.”

You hummed at his answer. “You’re really passionate about flowers, aren’t you?” 

“Something like that. I actually work at a flower shop nearby, maybe you’ve seen it?” Yuta fiddled with the front pocket of his backpack to pull out a business card. “I like learning about the meanings to help the customers in the shop, amongst other things.”

You took the card from his grip, examining it. For You in Full Bloom was printed largely on the thin piece of cardboard. Staring at the name, you wondered why it sounded so familiar until it hit you.

“Oh, I pass by it everyday while walking to campus! I live two blocks away from the shop.” Your smile grew wider and he smiled back for a second before his face contorted into one that conveyed pain.

Yuta turned away from you to cough into his hand, his free one hastily digging into his pocket. He pulled out a handkerchief and began to cough into that. Shocked by his sudden sick fit, you quickly patted him on the back, hoping it would help him hack out whatever was lodged in his throat.

You saw him peek into the small square of fabric and wince at whatever it caught. He cleared his throat before turning back to you. “Sorry,” Yuta muttered, rubbing the front of his neck to soothe it. Placing a cough drop in his hand, he took it without complaint and popped it in his mouth. The relieved sigh he let out made you feel slightly less worried. 

“You’re still sick?” you frowned. “You should really get that checked out, you know?”

He waved you off, “It’s nothing serious, I swear. What were we talking about again?”

“Cherry blossoms?”

“Your favorite flower.”

“And yours,” you added.

He hummed, “And mine.” There was a solemn tone behind his words but before you could press on the subject, he coughed again.

“Did you know that they’re also a symbol of renewal?”

Shaking your head, you urged your classmate to continue.

“Cherry blossoms hold the bittersweet meaning of life and death but they also bring the message of new beginnings.”

—🌸—

Yuta just wished when it came to you and him, the flowers meant the start of something new but no— instead, they just reminded him of the ache in his chest. 

They reminded Yuta of how alive he was but also how he was one step closer to his grave. 

Yes, you were merely classmates but he felt like he knew you solely from all the stories that were shared by your mutual friends in the art department. Ten and Taeyong sang praises on how thoughtful you were, always helping professors clean their studios after hours. Sicheng brought up how passionate you were about your major— Yuta himself bore witness to this many times during lectures and he wanted to know more about you. 

A lot of charm filled your figure and it was enchanting, it really wasn’t that hard for him to fall. 

Yuta fell for you much like the blossoms from the cherry trees. 

And just like the blossoms, his time was fleeting but you were so completely unaware.

You left the library first, having forgotten that you had office hours with a professor. He watched you leave, eyes fixed onto your back.

Someone once said that you become miserable if you love someone too much. Yuta believed that to be true. There was a pang in his chest, heart racing against his rib cage as a stronger nausea attack hit him. 

He gasped for air as his weakened stomach turned with sickness. Something was rising, working its way up his body. Yuta quickly slapped his hand over his lips as he hurled. Instead of bile, cherry blossom petals rained out of his mouth and into his palm.

He chuckled under his breath. Was it sad that he found beauty in his suffering? 

Yuta thought himself to be crazy as he quickly shoved away the pain to begin sketching the petals in his hand.

For You in Full Bloom— what a nice name, you thought to yourself as you entered the shop with your friend Sicheng right behind you. The light ringing of the bell attached to the front entrance alerted the people at the counter of your presence. You picked up on harsh whispers before the tall male worker rushed to the back, forcing the young girl to assist you.

“Hi, welcome in!” the girl smiled brightly at you. “How can I help you today?”

Before you could reply, Sicheng stepped forward to answer, “Kira, we’re looking for Yuta— is he here?”

“Oh, Sicheng, hey! I didn’t even see you,” Kira exclaimed. “He’s, uh, not here right now.” Kira shot Sicheng a frustrated look, eyes darting to the back. Your companion sighed, done with his friend’s stupidity. You missed the quiet interaction, being too preoccupied with your surroundings. 

“We’ll catch him another time then,” you answered her.

The small and quaint store was filled to the brim with flowers and your hands ghosted against the magnificent displays in the front window. The petals felt soft and the pleasing smells overwhelmed your senses in a good way. There was beauty all around you— there was no wonder why people loved visiting flower shops.

Various watercolor pieces were framed on the wall and you examined every artwork displayed. They were simple paintings of the plants that found a temporary home in the store. Some pieces were the flowers by themselves and others were of the many arrangements offered. They were vibrant, bright, and so incredibly detailed.

“I’ll tell him you stopped by,” she paused to ask for your name. You replied with a smile before turning back to take in the art. 

“The paintings are a nice touch,” you commented, finally turning to look at her. 

“Oh those? Yuta painted them,” Kira grinned, her body straightening up with pride. “He paints a lot when the shop is slow and my mom, the owner, loves to hang them up.”

“I should’ve known.” You took a closer look and spotted Yuta’s signature at the bottom of every picture.

“He’s very talented, isn’t he?” Kira hummed. Sicheng snorted for some unknown reason and you slapped his shoulder in response. There was nothing funny about Yuta’s skills and he knew that.

“Yeah, his skill is unmatched. I admire him for that.” 

“Have you ever told him that?”

“God, no!”

“Why not?” Kira pressed. Sicheng joined in on the pressing and you moaned, an embarrassing heat creeping up your face,

“I don’t know. We talk but I find him to be a little intimidating,” you leaned against Sicheng’s shoulder and looped your arm through his. “I can’t just go up to him and fangirl over his work, can I?”

“But you want to,” he groaned. “And I’m tired of hearing you go on about it. Just tell him.” 

A whine left your lips and you pinched your friend’s arm at the comment. He yelped and Kira just watched as the bickering continued. 

“Yuta looks intimidating, yeah, but it’s just his resting bitch face, I promise. He’s just a softie,” Kira laughed and Sicheng agreed. “You should definitely tell him. He would love hearing it, especially from you.”

There was this knowing smile on both of their lips and it just seemed like they knew something you didn’t. You tugged on Sicheng’s arm as an attempt to ask him the florist meant by the last bit of her sentence and he tried to shrug you away.  You just clung on tighter to your friend with a playful smile with Kira keeping a close eye on you.

You heard a cough come from the back of the store, causing both Sicheng and Kira to look up with concern. The coughing fit grew louder and louder, leaving Kira to excuse herself for a bit. 

“If the other florist is sick, they should be at home resting,” you tutted with a frown. 

“Some people are stubborn,” Sicheng threw back with a bit of distaste. Picking up on your friend’s bitterness, you wondered why he felt so strongly about it. You waved it off when a small display of sunflowers and red roses together captured your attention. Holding it in your hands, you admired how the two vibrant colors compliment each other.

Kira swung her way around the counter, “You like that bouquet?”

“It would be really pretty to paint,” you say, still spinning it around in awe. 

“Yuta put it together himself yesterday, he’s pretty good at arrangements,” the florist beamed.

“What can’t he do?” you scoffed.

“Apparently, open his mouth and say what he needs to say,” Sicheng muttered beside you. Kira elbowed his stomach and he lurched over in pain. 

“What was that?” 

“Nothing,” Kira laughed nervously. She worked her way to you and gestured towards the flowers, “It’s yours, on the house.”

You rejected the offer right away. “Oh no, I couldn’t,” is what you reply, attempting to shove the arrangement into her hands. With a kind grin, she persisted for you to take it and just asked you to buy from them the next time you visited. “I’m sure Yuta would love it if you took this one off our hands.”

With a promise, you hesitantly accepted the bouquet. Sicheng was snickering in the background and you had to hold yourself back from whacking him with the flowers. Thinking you’d taken too much of the florist’s time, you quickly said your thanks and headed out the door with a coy Sicheng trailing behind you.

—🌸—

“They’re gone,” Kira yelled towards the back of the shop. Yuta made his way back to his spot at the cash register while wiping at his mouth with his uniform sleeve. He quickly pulled out his art supplies from underneath the counter, setting everything up to resume his painting. Taking a seat on the stool, his body was slumped over his makeshift desk as he messed with his pencils. 

His coworker rolled her eyes at him as she began to work on a bouquet of blue cornflowers and daisies— good fortune and new beginnings. Her nimble hands hastily worked their magic with ease as if she’s done it a million times before. Yuta observed her, quickly sketching her hands at work. 

“You’re ridiculous, I don’t get why you had to hide.” 

“I didn’t want her to see me like this,” Yuta said, his pained eyes covered by the long bangs that drooped down over his sketchbook. 

“Like what?” Her hands went to her hips. “Sick and hopelessly in love?”

“Yeah, let’s put it that way.”

“There’s a solution to this, you know,” Kira pressed with furrowed brows. “You don’t have to keep suffering.”

This. Hanahaki is what she meant— the disease of unrequited love.

“I’m fine, Kira,” Yuta hissed with a bit more annoyance than he intended to. She flinched at the tone but still pushed on when he coughed again. He felt the discomfort of something being lodged in his throat and his body had the urge to hack it out. Suddenly, he was leaning over the counter with cherry blossom petals littering the cash register. 

Yuta practically hacked up a storm, body curling in pain. One hand was clutching his stomach while the other had a death grip on the edge of the counter. The dizziness returned and he felt lightheaded as the retching subsided. A weakness took over his athletic body and Kira rushed to assist him back onto the stool. There was a bottle of soothing eucalyptus oil sitting right on the counter and she scrambled to open it before shoving it under his nose. 

“You’re obviously not fine. You need to go to the hospital to get checked,” she said as Yuta took the small bottle from her grip. He dabbed a couple of drops onto his hands and rubbed it on his nose and throat. “Why won’t you accept any help that’s offered to you at the hospital?”

“I’ve gone through this before, Kira. Don’t worry about me.”

“Sometimes you forget I’ve gone through this, too!” she yelled. “I don’t want you to end up on your deathbed like I was at one point.” 

Yuta couldn’t argue with that. He was hired back when she was in the hospital recovering from the final stage of the dreaded disease. 

“We’re all worried about you here. Mom, Jongin, Mark? And your friends— Sicheng, Ten, and Taeyong? We all hate seeing you like this!” her voice grew louder and louder with each word, causing him to flinch at the shrill tone. Deafening noises plus nausea and headaches never meshed well with him.

“You don’t see how much it hurts seeing someone you care about suffer like this, Yuta. It hurts even more when we can’t do anything to help you go through this.”

Silence filled the room.

“Have you seen Dr. Kim lately?” Dr. Junmyeon Kim was the Hanahaki specialist that Kira recommended. He eased her back into normalcy after her scare.

“I will soon, I promise,” he said through haggard breaths. She guided him through a couple of breathing exercises and it calmed his racing heart down. 

Kira sighed. With a quieter tone, she said, “It’s a shame the world made us experience heartbreak this way, isn’t it?”

Yuta smiled sadly at her— it was a shame.

The front door of the shop opened and the bell rang. They both turned to see Kira’s boyfriend Mark walk in with a cute grin. He clumsily hopped over the counter to plant a sweet kiss on her cheek. “Well, at least you got your happy ending,” he muttered too low for his coworker to hear. 

Yuta knew there was a chance of having it too, he was just too afraid to speak. 

If one were to look at him at that moment, his features hid nothing. Nakamoto Yuta was slowly ripping at the seams with the sakura branches poking their way out of his built figure and although multiple options were given to him, he still felt so unbelievably helpless.

It was the middle of the semester when you caught Yuta wandering the halls of the main art building. A grin found its way to your lips as you saw him with his messenger bag and a tubed container slung over his shoulder. Running to catch up with him, you slipped your arm into his free one. Your classmate yelped at the sudden contact and you let out a loud giggled that echoed in the empty hallway.

You finally felt close enough to initiate contact after sharing supplies with him during one studio session. That being said, it didn’t mean you were comfortable with revealing the feelings you harbored towards him— you wanted to keep that a secret for a little bit longer. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you didn’t have classes in here today,” you asked.

“Oh, it’s just you,” Yuta sighed. You felt your heart drop at his words but you played it off with a scrunch of the nose and a teasing tone. 

“Were you expecting someone else, Nakamoto?” you nudged his stomach and he avoided it, already predicting your actions. Yuta held back another series of coughs, quick turning away from you to cough into the handkerchief always kept on hand. He looked in pain as he continued to hack into the small piece of cloth and you brought a comforting hand to rub at his back.

“Every time I see you, you’re coughing,” you frowned. “You really need to get yourself checked, it’s been months.”

“No, no, I promise you I’m fine,” he replied with the shake of the head, his dark hair moving along with him. Even when ruffled and out of sorts, he looked good. He attempted to clear his throat by downing some water. 

Your lips pursed at his words, not satisfied with his dismissive answer. “If you say so. Promise me you’ll see someone if it gets worse though.”

He agreed but you suspected it was to stop you from nagging. “To answer your question before you went all mom on me, I was here to talk to the department about my senior project.”

“Have you decided on your theme for your exhibit yet?” 

Yuta smiled wistfully, “Flowers.” 

“Should’ve known— it’s always flowers with you. It’s like you’re in love with them or something.” 

He let out a scoff at your words. When you shot him a questioning look, he dismissed the act completely. 

Time spent with Yuta always passed so quickly; one moment you were on the top floor of the building and the next, you were already at the bottom of the staircase. Ever the gentleman, he held the front door open for you and you thanked him with a smile. His brown eyes shrunk into little slits and whiskers appeared at the corners as he grinned back with a little chuckle.

How you longed to sketch that image.

A strong breeze blew through, causing a couple of leaves and fallen petals to fly around your figures. You crossed your arms around your front to keep the cold from seeping in and shut your eyes to keep debris out. Peeking at Yuta, you saw him cover his eyes with a calloused hand and he gently pushed you behind him to use his body as a makeshift shield. As soon as the breeze stopped, his grip on your arm loosened but the grip he had on your heart was still as strong as ever.

He whirled around to make sure you were alright and next thing you knew, his hand was lingering above your head. “You have something in your hair, do you want me to take it out?” 

Yuta looked down at you with cautious eyes and you just noticed how close you were. Heat radiated off his body and your cheeks as you nod in approval. One dry hand moved to delicately clutch the side of your head as the other plucked a leaf out of your hair. 

Your breath hitched as his fingers ran against your skin and tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear. There was a sudden pounding in your ears that matched the drumming rhythm of your heart.

“There,” he whispered as he let you go. With a smile, Yuta added, “good as new and pretty as a picture.” 

“Pretty enough to paint?” you fired back with sarcasm.

“Definitely worthy of being displayed for the world to see,” he winked.

Was he flirting? It seemed like he was. 

Maybe, Sicheng was right— Yuta could have feelings for you. But it could also just be wishful thinking.

Were you flirting? Is this how flirting works? 

“Speaking of displays,” Yuta started nervously as he walked you to your car. He slowed down his walking pace and you easily matched it, your steps moving in time with his. The main walkway on campus was devoid of people, seeing how it was later in the school day. The path from the art building to the lot you parked in was short and you wished there was some way to extend it so you could spend more time with him.

“Will you, uh, come to my show?” he asked, his hand scratching the back of his head. His hair flopped with the wind and his unsure grin made him look so incredibly endearing. “I know it’s still too early to give you a set date but I’d love to see you there.”

“What? Of course I’ll come!” you said, stopping to slap his arm. 

He winced at the contact. “Ow?”

“I would’ve gone even if you didn’t ask me,” you proceeded on the path with a smile. “I have to go and support my friends.”

There was a coughing fit coming from behind you and you whirled around to see Yuta hacking into his handkerchief again. It looked more painful than the last attack he had a few minutes ago. His breathing was shallow and he clutched his chest as the coughs continued. 

“Oh my god, Yuta!” You were pretty sure you heard him gag as you rubbed his back. “Okay, I’m taking you to the hospital. You’re clearly not alright.”

He lifted a hand to tell you to stop. “No, no. I’m fine. I just—I gotta go,” was all he said with his hoarse voice before jolting away.

Staring at his strong back as grew smaller and smaller, you almost missed the fallen piece of cloth on the ground. Keyword: almost.

“Wait, Yuta!” you shouted, bending down to pick it up. “You dropped your hanke—” As soon as you lifted the handkerchief, perfectly preserved cherry blossom petals fell out of its hold. They rained towards the ground, decorating the sidewalk with the prettiest shade of pink.

Yuta was long forgotten. You were too lost in your confusion of the flowers. 

“Cherry blossoms?” you asked yourself. “They’re not in season yet.”

—🌸—

Yuta heard you calling for him but he refused to turn around. He pushed himself to keep running despite the tight pain in his chest. Pulling out his phone, he sent quick text messages to Sicheng and Kira with his location, asking them to stop by and help him. The disorientation hit faster this time, causing him to tumble into a bench. He gripped the iron lining as he hurled and for the first time, it was so painful that it brought tears to his eyes. His mouth trembled as he let out a cry.

Yuta tasted the bit of blood that poured out of his lips. 

Wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket, Yuta ignored how the crimson stained the fabric. A butter chuckle escaped him. 

“Pink goes good with red,” he whispered to himself as another stinging pain made its way up his body. 

He felt the branches slowly poking his lungs, climbing a path up his chest. It was just as Kira described— it was piercing like a sharp arrow to the heart. The arrow pressed and pressed and pressed until he was exploding with petals, blood, sweat, and tears.  It was aimed to kill. He thought arrows to the heart were supposed to fill him with love, not a heart-wrenching pain that tempted him to rip the beating organ out of his chest.

This was all too much to bear.

The full flowers and the scratching of wood tickling his throat. 

The lack of oxygen and struggle for air.

He felt it all. He wished he didn’t. 

Yuta wished he was one of the people that found their soulmate with that ridiculous red string of fate tied to the end of his pinky. They were blessed with a lifetime of happiness while he was cursed with what felt like an eternity of agony that his weakening body could no longer withstand. 

Yuta knew you didn’t love him but he adored you anyway. 

This wasn’t a shoujo manga, Yuta knew that. This was real life. No one was going to kiss, kiss, fall in love with the blink of an eye.

Picking petals off of flowers wouldn’t solve his problem. He wished it did, though.

If only it was that easy.

The rest of the semester flew by quickly with midterms and mid-semester projects keeping you at bay. You barely saw Yuta, yet alone the rest of your friends, if not for your classes. All of you shared the same appearance: dark circles, eye bags, sunken cheeks, hunched backs, and glazed over eyes. Your group survived the weeks with a crazy amount of caffeine and not enough food.

 With the school year finally over and graduation season starting, that meant one thing for the college of fine arts at your university— exhibitions. The music and dance departments already had their concerts and showcases. Final showings of the theatre department’s newest production just wrapped up yesterday; the only thing left were the senior art exhibits.

Dressed to the nines and not at all like a struggling artist, you paced back and forth at the entrance of the student art gallery with a bouquet of irises in your hand. Sicheng, your emotional support for the day, stood as you walked the same path with annoyance. You couldn’t exactly pinpoint why you felt nervous— it wasn’t even your exhibit, it was Yuta’s. 

Ten and Taeyong wrapped up their exhibits the week prior; Yuta’s was the last one.

“Are you done freaking out? Can we go in now?” Sicheng cocked a brow at you with his phone in hand. “The others are already inside.”

Wringing your hands together, you took in a deep breath. “Okay, let’s do this.” 

Sicheng rolled his eyes before opening the doors to the gallery. Stepping inside, you were immediately welcomed by paper flowers of all sorts hanging from the ceiling and the quiet chatter of the gallery’s visitors. To the right, you saw a sign displaying the exhibit’s name: Efflorescence. A brief description of the exhibit was placed below it and you took the time to read it before stepping further in.

Snapshots of his life told through the appearance and language of flowers.

Ten and Taeyong, your seniors and close friends, were waiting for you off to the side. 

“Sorry for the wait, you guys.”

Sicheng grumbled, “Took her long enough to calm down.”

Ten laughed, “Were you nervous for him? You weren’t like this for our final exhibits.”

“Oh, leave her alone,” Taeyong hushed the other two. Wrapping an arm around you, he pulled you close, “She’s nervous because this is her crush we’re talking about.”

“For heaven’s sake, say that any louder and he’ll hear you!” you screeched. The boys chuckled at your embarrassed state as you went ahead of them, ready to walk your way through the large room. From the corner of your eye, you saw Yuta smiling by the exit, surrounded by people singing praises about his work.

You weren’t in a rush— you wanted to take the time to appreciate every piece before talking to him about why he chose to display each work. Talking to the object of your affection could wait.

The first few paintings were of his childhood and the flowers that accompanied each scene all had similar meanings— innocence, purity, etc. You noticed that most of his paintings were done with watercolor, which made complete sense. 

It seemed like he was always prepared to paint something, brush and paint always at the ready. The genius basically carried his foldable watercolor palette and pad everywhere he went, not wanting to miss an opportunity to paint a beautiful picture if he were to pass by one. That was another thing you admire about him— Nakamoto Yuta saw beauty in everything.

Deeper into the gallery, you found more familiar scenes and faces. There was a landscape of the fine arts department, with daffodil petals scattered across the canvas and it was titled New Beginnings. You passed various portraits of your friends, their beauty rivaling that of their birth flowers that shared the same space. Marveling at how realistic his paintings looked, you made a note in your brain to relay that thought to the artist later. He captured the essence of each person perfectly in a painting, breathing life into it, and you honestly couldn’t understand how one could do that. 

Spotting Kira’s familiar face admiring a painting up ahead, you quickened your pace to catch up to her. Feeling the light tap you placed on her shoulder, she turned around with a surprised look that turned into a genuine smile upon seeing your face. She released her hold on her companion, a cute boy with doe eyes and bright smile, before giving you a hug. 

“You’re here!” she squealed. Taking notice of the flowers in your hand, she winked, “Irises, huh? Nice touch.” 

“I stopped by your shop beforehand looking for you and an older guy wrapped them up for me,” you smiled sheepishly. “Should’ve known you would be here and not working.”

“My brother, Jongin,” Kira said. “And of course, I wouldn't miss Yuta’s exhibit for the world. He’s done a lot for me and my family.” She shared a fond look with the boy next to her and he squeezed her hand in return.

“This is my boyfriend, Mark, by the way,” Kira gestured to the boy next to her. 

“Yo, nice to meet you, dude,” Mark extended his arm out towards you and you gladly took in your hands to give it a shake. You laughed at his casual greeting; it was charming. 

“Back at you, dude,” you giggled back. 

Turning to take a peek at the picture they were admiring, you couldn’t help but break out into a wide grin. It was the two of them with the flower shop as their background. Yuta had painted Kira seated on top on the counter, eyes closed with glee and hands clutching a small bouquet of blue flowers. Mark, on the other hand, leaned towards her with fingers gripping the table top and looking at her with a loving smile. 

You could feel the love pouring out of it and it warmed your lonely heart. “Wow,” you whispered.

Kira leaned her head on Mark’s shoulder and he placed a tiny kiss to her temple. “I’m buying it from him once this is all over,” she said.

Knowing each flower played a part in Yuta’s paintings, you tried to distinguish what flowers she clutched in her hand. “They’re cornflowers,” Mark answered the question that lingered in your head.

“Why cornflowers?”

“Oh those things put us through a lot— a little pain sprinkled in with their beauty,” Kira smiled, leaving Mark to chuckle lovingly at her comment. It felt like a secret between the two of them and you were invading in their space. “They were what got us together in the first place.”

Her  sentence made you cock a brow. How could flowers be painful? That was awfully cryptic, even a little unsettling but it sounded a little familiar to you; it was on the tip of your tongue. 

“Yeah, they’re pretty special,” the boy grinned, gaze still glued to the person wrapped under his arm. “Cornflowers are my favorite.”

“They’re starting to become one of mine, too,” she returned the look. 

Mark’s bright brown eyes were shining with the love you wish someone had for you. It was a sweet sight, to see such a young couple in love. A part of you was jealous that they found a love like that so early in their lives while you pined after an artist that was so infatuated with flowers and their meanings. 

Wanting to leave them in their moment, you excused yourself with a smile. There were only four paintings left to see.

The first was a design you recognized. It was a more detailed painting of the sketch you had seen Yuta draw on the first day of the semester. A girl was seated on the grass, leaning her back on a trunk of a cherry blossom tree. Her hands were outstretched to the sky, trying to catch the falling petals in her hand. Stealing a glance at the title, Yuta titled the piece, Wishful Thinking. 

Moving to the next piece, it was a close up of Yuta’s hands. His palms were pressed together, cupping cherry blossoms in his hand. Petals and full flowers were scattered around the canvas, filling out all the empty spaces. The bright pink stood out against the color of his skin. You admired the amount of detail this piece had— the wrinkles on his skin, the gradient found on the petals. It held your interest, leaving you to wonder what this piece titled Inside meant to him. 

Yuta’s self-portrait was showstopping. He borrowed the flower shop’s name, calling this piece For You in Full Bloom. The painting brilliantly depicted him in all white, his eyes closed with pain and hands clutching at his throat. The blossoms were spilling out of his mouth, the petals tainted with a blood red. You could feel the sadness and the suffering emitting from the picture and it pained you to see such a vulnerable depiction of him. 

Putting two and two together, you figured it out. 

Hanahaki. You had read about the disease before, one of the artists you admired had it. They created art as a way to tell their story. It was their escape from the suffering, a way to ease their pain, and the one course of action they took to be remembered after their death.

The only piece of information you lacked was who made him tolerate such pain.

Skipping the last painting of the exhibit, you made your way through the crowd to find Yuta. He stood at the end with a polite smile, thanking everyone who attended his exhibit. Onlookers were showering him with compliments, leaving you to wait until the small crowd cleared out.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?” you breathed out with a concerned look. You couldn’t even spit out the name of the disease.

His smile widened into a genuine one, eyes gone soft at the sight of you. “You made it.”

Spotting the irises in your hand, he gestured towards the bouquet. “Are those for me?”

Still in shock that the person you were in love with was suffering all this time, you handed them to him without a word.

“Irises mean ‘congratulations,’ nice choice,” he laughed, trying to steer the topic away from his illness.

“Who?” you asked. “Who is it?”

Cocking his head, he answered you with another question. “You didn’t see the last one, did you?”

Shaking your head negatively, Yuta took you by the hand and the feeling made fireworks explode in your chest. Your heart was beating rapidly as he led you a few steps away. Nodding his head towards the last frame, he whispered, “Take a look.” 

You felt his hand break out into a sweat and you wondered why this last one made him so nervous. Glancing at the title, you read the words Love Me Now. 

Taking a deep breath, you mentally prepared yourself to see the person who had a hold on Yuta’s heart. Unlike him, you thought yourself strong enough to take the heartbreak— after all, you weren’t the one with flowers blooming inside you. Shifting your eyes over, you gasped as soon as you spotted whose face was framed on the wall. 

Staring back at you was the most beautiful painting of yourself. It was a you that you had never seen before. He painted you in flourishing pastels to match the happy look on your face. He captured your smile lines, the curve of your eyes, and the scrunch of your nose in such detail; it amazed you beyond belief. 

There was movement in your hair, the strands swaying in the wind along with the petals behind you. Your hands held a branch of your favorite flowers, half of them covering part of your face.

Captivated by seeing yourself through someone else’s eyes, you couldn’t tear your gaze away.

“Your smile makes flowers grow in my chest,” Yuta’s voice came from your side. You turned to see him wear a strained smile. Yuta’s huge eyes that were usually filled with kindness were taken over by something else— pain. 

There was pain in his words and you hear the ache in his voice. His tone is hoarse, like his throat is unbelievably dry or irritated. 

“I— I don’t know what to say.” 

Everything was extremely overwhelming. 

He shook his head to tell you that it was okay; he just needed to get the words off his chest. “It’s so beautiful and enchanting and it makes my heart clench and flowers take over my lungs.”

“Cherry blossoms,” you found yourself saying. You couldn’t believe this was happening. There were words you wanted to say but you were struggling to find them.

“Sakura,” he repeated in his native language.

“My favorite flowers.”

“Your favorite flowers.” 

“You were never in love with flowers,” you stated, still in a state of shock. 

Yuta released this low, almost bitter sounding chuckle that comes from deep within his chest. “Never.”

“Then, you’re in love with—”

“You.”

“—me.”

Just like the artist you admired, Yuta painted his way through his pain of loving you. 

Nakamoto Yuta felt like he had been in love with you for the longest time. He had loved you before he could even muster the guts to let you know it, to invite you to this exhibit that displayed art dedicated to you.

He really hoped that you would show so he could take the chance to confess. Sure, you had promised but sometimes, people never intended to keep them. If he didn’t get it off his chest, he would never be able to breathe and Yuta desperately wanted to.

Yuta wanted to fill his lungs with breaths of fresh air and just breathe you in. That was all he longed for. 

“Oh,” was all you could breathe out.

“It’s okay that you don’t feel the same,” Yuta tried to comfort you, getting the wrong idea from your lack of words. “I just needed to let you know.”

The sharpening ache that became so familiar to him was building up in his chest again, preparing him for the worst. Yuta swallowed thickly, already feeling the petals working their way to his mouth. His airways began restricting, his breaths growing more haggard by the second. He had so many things to say and he was determined to let it out before the petals escaped. The words spilled out his mouth, his lips running like a motor, “I used to be afraid of being in love and being happy with a person that I loved because it hurts.”

“Yuta—”

He stopped you with a lifted palm. 

“Happiness never lasted with me, the flowers always ripped it away,” he explained, his trembling eyes focusing on your portrait and not the real person beside him. 

“But then I met you and felt things I have never experienced before. So, I pushed my way through the pain just to be with you because I felt like I reached for the stars and touched the sky when we were together.”

His words brought tears to your eyes. You couldn’t believe someone would sit through the pain just to spend time with you nor thought you were worth it but here Yuta was, proving you wrong.

“There were times I wanted to beg you to love me, just so the hurting and the bleeding—just everything— could stop but I was too much of a coward and it led me to this.”

Here he was, pouring his heart out to you with his images and words, and you couldn’t let out a single noise. You forced yourself to move forward, to slip your hand into his. The sensation of your fingers intertwining with his brought Yuta out of his daze to look at you.

“Yuta,” you said with trembling lips. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”

“It’s not your fault,” he replied with a sullen tone. You squeezed his palm and he gave you a light one in return. “If I don’t get this off my chest now, I’ll never be able to breathe and I really want to.”

“There’s no reason for you to lose your breath over me.” A sniffle escaped you and Yuta turned to see you crying. He bent down to wipe your tears away, his finger swiping against your skin ever so gently. 

“Why are you crying?” 

“Because you suffered because of me and you didn’t have to,” you shot back with a whimper.

“You couldn’t have known, it’s okay,” he tried to reassure you.

“No, no,” you interrupted him to his confusion. “It’s not that.”

Your voice was so soft under your quivers, he could barely hear you over the loud chattering of the other guests in the room. Yuta guided you just outside his exhibit to a bench and dried your eyes with the sleeve of his sweater. 

“What’s wrong?”

Yuta’s question made you laugh through your tears and at all the time wasted. He had been in pain for so long because he was yearning for you just as you were for him. The mutual yet silent pining took you down this route and it could have been avoided if you had just stopped being a coward and spoken up like Sicheng pushed you to.

“There’s nothing wrong,” you said with the dismissing wave. You willed yourself to look him in the eyes and bring a hand to his cheek. “It’s just that I think I’ve been in love with you as long as you have been in love with me.”

Your confession caused him to freeze in his seat. His brown eyes were blown out wide and mouth dropping in shock. Giggling as more tears fell, you quickly slide the hand cupping his cheek down to his jaw to shut his mouth closed. Running a thumb against his lips, you felt his pulse quickening at your touch. 

“You’re in love with me?” he asked, voice as gentle as the breeze. There was uncertainty and disbelief behind it. Yuta wanted to hear you say it again.

—🌸—

“I’ve been in love with you for a while now.” Your earnest words were music to his ears. 

He felt this comforting rush take over this body and it sent tingles down his spine, traveling all the way to the tips of his fingers and toes. Your confession worked like magic, spelling him with this high that made him soar to the skies. 

Yuta thought you were a witch, entrancing him with a love charm so strong that it brought instant relief to his pain. His heart was trying to fight its way out of his chest and the ache of his airways dulled. The muscle was pounding so loudly against his ribcage, he could hear it in his ears, and he swore you could hear it too. 

His lips upturned into the biggest grin, he felt like his cheeks were about to burst. 

Was this how a requited love felt? If it was, he never wanted to go without it again. 

Yuta rushed to pull you in his arms and sighed when you nuzzled your head into his neck. He shivered when he felt them whisper the three words he longed to hear into his skin. His body shook with laughter as he placed a lingering kiss at the crown of your head, reveling at the feeling of you encased in his hold. 

You tried to fight your way out of his grip but he only tightened his arms, not wanting to let you go. The action left you giggling into his neck, causing him to squirm until his hold loosened. Your hands trailed their way from his waist up to cup his face and suddenly, his eyes were locked onto yours. Just as you were getting lost in the deep sea of brown, his gaze flickered to your lips before looking back at you. His lips quirked up as you did the same. 

He felt your breath hitch as he leaned in to slot his lips against yours and the overwhelming rush returned. It seemed like his heart was racing against time, beating erratically as you kissed him so tenderly. Your lips were so soft and they tasted like the vanilla flavoring of your color, leaving him to chase after you every time you pulled away for a breath. 

Yuta fought the strain in his airways as he pursued your lips again and again, loving the way you felt and tasted. He picked up the smell of your cherry blossom shampoo and laughed into the kiss. The feeling of having you was so addicting— your love was his drug and he was forever hooked on you. He would devote himself to nothing else but you.

The sensation of Yuta kissing you and smiling against your lips sent you into overdrive. There were butterflies in your stomach, fireworks going off in your head, tingles down your spine and you loved it all. 

In the past, you only noticed Nakamoto Yuta’s undying love and admiration for flowers but this was the first time you finally noticed his love for you and it was nothing short of wonderful. 

It was the start of something new. 

🌸 author’s note— that’s it! it came out a bit more angst than i intended, definitely lacked the fluff i was expecting but i’m still satisfied with the ending uwu  i loved writing my little markie and kira in the fic, i’ve missed them! but yes!! that’s the end of my little bday present to myself! i hope y’all loved it! please leave some feedback; i would love to hear what you thought of it!! i think i literally fell in love with yuta while writing this.

🌸 taglist— @danishmiilk​ @hyunjins--laugh​ @littleflowercrown13​ @orange-nimon-cross​ @radiorenjun​ @ncteaxhoe​ @chancrispy​

[national-nobody-writes]

Self Love Retrospective

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2021. Tag as many creators as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I was tagged by the absurdly talented @irolltwenties!

2021 was a very weird writing year for me. It felt like I posted a LOT (well, a lot for me anyway) but also like I didn’t get anything done?? Idk man, time is a flat circle. I’m both happy with all the fics I posted this year, and also weirdly detached from them bc the writing process often felt like I blacked out and suddenly there were words on the page I barely remembered putting there, lol.

ANYHOW, in 2021 I wrote a total of 45,254 words across 8 completed works and 1 WIP (which will prob ultimately count toward my 2022 works since it’ll be completed in January). Here’s my top 5:

5. More Alike Than Not - JayRoy | Rated T | 1.7k | Young Justice/Earth 16

A Double Red Week fic! Like every event I’ve participated in, my plans were more ambitious than I was able to accomplish, but I had such a good time playing around with YJ!JayRoy all that week. I have so many plans for longer/more in depth fics involving them, but this one shot is a nice summation of why I think Arsenal x Jason works so well conceptually in this universe, and what would draw them to one another. Though not a particularly in-depth character study, it does examine the odd dynamic & parallels between Roy & Will and how Roy feels about it.

4. Left on Read - JayRoy | Rated T | 2.3k | Young Justice/Earth 16

Basically, Roy is bad at texting back and Jason is like a grumpy cat in human form about it, lol. Tbh I keep flipping back and forth between whether I like this fic or Proximity more. Both were also for Double Red Week, but Left on Read is a bit fluffier and more humorous, whereas Proximity is more of a pining/yearning, hurt/comfort sorta deal. I think I just enjoy reading back Left on Read a bit more because 1) Jay gets to be sassier and more ridiculous, which I adore, and 2) While I’m happy with Proximity, I think I could have elevated it to another level had I taken more time with it and put it through a few more rounds of edits. But, you know what they say. Perfection is the enemy of good and all that.

3. Entwined - ThanZag | Rated E | 7.2k | Hades (video game)

Y’all, when I tell you Hades had me by the THROAT this past year?!?! Whew. I may never recover. Play this game, romance Death, and then go read this fic if you want an expansion on that whole fade-to-black situation between Than and Zag. I still can’t believe they’re not only canon but also poly with Meg. I love them so much it makes me look STUPID. Anyway, while 90% of the smut I write is just two Extremely In Love idiots being sappy af, this is like, EVEN MORE than usual. So, you’re welcome I guess, lol.

2. Marked For Death - ThanZag | Rated T | 12.7k | Hades (video game)

Oh, this was SO much fun. I love this fic, I’m actually so proud of it. Basically, there is a game mechanic I discovered that sent my mind spinning bc of the in-universe implications, and then this happened. The game’s narration is done in a fun, purple-prose-adjacent style, so I went ham trying to match it, which was such a blast. Also, I’d say action is one of my big weak spots as a writer, so this was a perfect excuse to work on that. It was super rewarding to complete, and felt like such a success when I got a number of people giving unprompted positive feedback in the comments specifically about the action aspect of the fic.

1. Love Me Tender - Bluepulse | Rated E | 8k | Young Justice/Earth 16

Okay, so this was never supposed to be it’s own fic. But, I needed to post it in order to stop myself from endlessly editing it for the rest of my existence (which did in fact work!), so that I could move on to the unfinished parts of (still in progress) Remember Me, Chapter 5. Like I said, 90% of the smut I write is just two Extremely In Love idiots being sappy af. That applies here for sure. All Bart’s POV. As silly and flirty and ridiculous as it is smutty. Possibly the best E rated fic I’ve written to date (at least I should hope so, considering early, and now unrecognizable, drafts of this scene date back 2-3 years). Def the one I was most afraid to share, and prob the one I’ve ultimately become the most proud of.

I feel like 2021 was a rough year for a lot of my mutuals in terms of creating/posting content (I feel you), but if any of y’all would like to share, please do!! And I’ll tag @ofmorninglory and @incorrectbatfam​ (though no pressure of course <3)